I was asked a few simple questions today. A few simple questions that have made me realize that I have been lying to myself for a really long time. I was asked: What made you decide to loose weight now? Whats different from the last time you tried to loose weight? What are your goals and when do you think you will achieve them?
2 years ago, I got it into my head that I was going to loose 100 pounds in a year. Easy enough right? I was working out, mainly speed walking at the gym, when I started getting horrible pain in my feet. I later found out that I have arthritis, in my feet and knee, at the ripe old age of 25 (at the time). I also got a really horrible tissue infection in my right leg that left me down for the count for about 6 weeks. These were all really good excuses as to why I quit.
In all reality, I was scared shit-less. Scared of the pain in my feet and scared of infection returning to my leg. I never told anyone that until a few months ago. I think actually telling someone my fear is what really helped me decide that it was time to try again. Hearing myself say out loud “I am afraid” brought me to reality.
So I begin again.
My weight loss Journey.
I am sick and tired of being fat! Being a BBW is fine, and I do love myself. I am beautiful, intelligent, strong willed and I have a killer personality but being fat sucks! I cannot do everything that I want to do in life, while I am in this body.
How long will it take?
This time around I put no time limit on my journey. It will take as long as I need it to take. Maybe three years, maybe it will never be over, and that’s OK.
I believe my goals will be ever changing. That is why my journey may never be over. But for now my goals are as follows:
1) Lead a healthy lifestyle.
This includes eating healthier (not any specific diet, I am still going to live my life, but just healthier choices), and getting active. This will help me, and hopefully set a better example for my daughter.
2) Loose 20 pounds.
This is my first actual weight loss goal. Once I reach it I will up the anti but for now…I am half way there!
3) Be under 200 pounds.
My goal weight is 150 pounds but I am not focusing on that just yet. Getting under 200 pounds will be a huge accomplishment as I have not been that weight since I was about 17 years old.
4) Be able to shop in ANY store I want.
This is actually a huge one for me. I have been shopping in plus size stores since I was 17, and paying the plus size price tag as well. I love that there are stores targeted specifically to plus size woman. There are even stores targeted to YOUNG plus size woman. But you know what? Im sick of being confined to a few stores that I can buy clothing at.
I am a young 20 something. I want to be able to walk into any store, try something on, and have it fit! I want to be able to be on trend and be able to go shopping where all of my girlfriends shop instead of dragging them to Addition-elle or Maurice or Penningtons for myself. I want to be able to buy what I want, from wherever I want.
5) Stop saying no to active play with my daughter.
I do this. I know every parent does it at some point or another but I do it so often that my daughter no longer wants to do anything active, even if I suggest it. I feel like a failure in this aspect but that is going to change. We will get outside and do things together and I will no longer say no, or take no for an answer.
Why is this time different than the last?
I am sick of making up excuses as to why I ‘cant’ excersize. I am an able bodied person. It might take me double the time to do the same workout as someone half my size, I may have to modifty every single move for my arthritis and just because I am not up to that specific skill set or speed yet, but thats OK! Thats OK because Im not going to sit on my ass and watch my life go by anymore. I am going to get up and live it.