Meal Prep Monday + My Journeying

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I was not blessed with a butt. I have never in my life been the girl with the ‘booty’, the ‘ba-donk-a-donk’, or the ‘junk in her trunk’. My sister and I both suffer from ‘pancake booty’ or in other words…a flat ass lol We blame our parents for our misfortune as neither of them have a booty either (I curse you GENES!!). Anyways, I tell you about my flat butted issues because after working out for the past few months and really giving my all to those squat thrusts and squat lifts and squat (whatever other kind of squat you can think of) during Zumba…I, OFFICIALLY, have a booty lol WOOHOO me lol this is a huge accomplishment and I am happy to share it with the world…or at least my small blogging family.

It hasn’t been all wondrous news though. I did a weigh in recently and..I have gained. I am now basically back to my pre-journey weight. WTF?! I know that this weight is muscle. I know this because I can see my body changing. Not just my new ass 😀 but my stomach is visibly (even to me) smaller, my hips and my thighs are tighter etc. Even though I know that this weight gain is a result of building muscle, which is a great thing, I still feel appalled. Appalled at myself for not losing anything. Appalled at my body for being so resistant to weight loss. Appalled at the fact that I have been on this journey for a year, and after all of the work that I put in, I am not any closer to the goals that I had in mind than I was before. Maybe I am a little closer (see: my booty) but not anywhere near where I expect to be at this stage in the game.

Even though I have had a rough go, I am not letting this stop me. Back to the doctors I go to see what the next plan of action is. What else I need to change. I know that I need to get in more muscle building workouts because honestly, I don’t do them at all right now. The only thing I do is Zumba for an hour 2-3 times a week. Since Zumba focuses on legs and cardio my next step is starting to add in 1 workout a week (for now) focused mainly on building muscle in my mid to upper body. This is the hardest part because I will be doing this at home. If you ask my Zumba instructor, I have NEVER missed a class, shown up late once or twice yes, but never missed..not even one. I have never been a class person but clearly the fact that I have other people expecting me to be there actually pushes me to go lol Doing a workout at home, by myself most likely, is what will be hard. But I can do it!! I need to do it!

Anyways, I meal prepped my ass off yesterday and have some great lunches and snacks to show for it this week. You know I always struggle with my dinners as I don’t cook them but my gym has this awesome program where you can purchase meals for $8. They are prepared fresh and you can have them customized to exactly what you want and need. EX) if you need to stay below a certain amount of calories per meal or if you have dietary restrictions you tell them that and they make the meals customized to you. It’s basically meal prepping but I don’t have to do any of the work lol So I purchased a few of those this week to try out. I plan on using them specifically for dinner so that maybe I can get a more balanced meal than I have been (You mean a bowl of Mac N’ Cheese isn’t a balanced meal?!?! :O). So here is my meal plan for the next week:

Breakfast: 240 calories, 45 carbohydrates

  • 1 packet of Quaker Oats Maple Oatmeal
  • 1 apple

Morning Snack: 100 calories 0 carbohydrates

  • ½ cup 1% cottage cheese
  • ½ cup sliced cucumber

Lunch: 340 calories, 40 carbohydrates

  • 1 baked tilapia filet
  • ½ cup uncle ben’s brown and wild rice
  • 1 cup steamed broccoli

Afternoon snack: 0 calories, 0 carbohydrates

  • Fresh veggies. If I really need something yummy I will add in some laughing cow cheese (this makes it 50 calories, 0 carb)

Dinner:

  •  I don’t know the exact details of these yet but under 450 calories and I requested 3 meals, 1 steak, 1 chicken, 1 salmon with veggies and a carb.

Other snacks: 100 calories each (I may not eat all of these in 1 day, I switch it up for whatever I am feeling or add in one of these if I need a sweet treat)

  • 1 Oikos Greek Yogurt-desert flavour (lemon meringue anyone?!)
  • 1 Chewy granola bar
  • Guacamole with a few Tostitos

My lunch was super yummy and I can’t wait to eat it again tomorrow…and the for the rest of the week :O lol

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My lunches before I put the rice in. If you put the tilapia over the veggies to re-heat it will add flavour and you will not have to add Salt.

Did you meal prep this week? What did you make? Do you count calories or do something else to help control or lose weight?

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Good-Bye Confidence It Was Nice Knowing You

FYI: This post has very personal things in it…so if you don’t want to know about my sex life…stop reading here lol

Up until now, I was a badass bitch and I knew it. I had the attitude that said I love myself and if you don’t like the way I look then I don’t GAF! But then…I got naked in front of a man and my confidence was nowhere to be found.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident woman. I was never confident growing up but the older I got, the more my confidence grew. Yes there are parts of my body that I would like to change but in general I am pretty OK with it. In my situation, with the fact that it is so hard for me to lose weight, I kind of have to be ok with where ever I am in my journey. But apparently when I am NAKED in front of someone else it changes my self-image completely!

For me, I have not been with a man in 5 years. It started as getting over a breakup, then I was too busy with my kid, then I just got scared because by that time it had been a few years and now here we are. I felt ready. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but I NEEDED to sleep with someone lol how desperate does that sound but 5 YEARS?! Come on! It was overdue haha. So I decided to sleep with a man that I trusted. A good friend if you will.

This really has nothing to do with the person I was with. He is nothing but a sweetheart and would never say anything bad about my body. It has to do with the way I viewed MYSELF.

The sex was great. But there was this little voice in the back of my head saying awful things to me…about me! “Not good enough” “Fat” “Huge” “disgusting”. The self-doubt and total self-consciousness filled my head. I felt those awful things afterwards. Not because of having sex, but because I felt like my body wasn’t good enough. Like my looks and my weight were all that mattered in the equation and they felt not good enough to me.

I am fine now. That self-conscious feeling went away and I am back to my Fabulous self again, but what the hell? Why does that happen? How does that little voice in the back of our heads sneak in there when we least expect it to? When we are feeling great about ourselves, 100% confident and fabulous. I want to tell that sneaky little voice to shut the F*CK up.

What I have learned from this experience; I will have sex AGAIN because let’s be honest, I am never waiting 5 years to have sex ever again lol. The other thing is…I need to love myself MORE. I found out the hard way that I didn’t appreciate my body as much as I thought that I did. That is going to change.

As I have written before, I AM ENOUGH. I am MORE than enough. I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and sexy and the list goes on. I know that about myself. I just need to reconfirm my own self-image. To remind myself that I am an amazing woman with, or without, clothes on. 🙂

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A picture that I feel pretty in ❤

 

 

 

It Is Time For Lent

Maybe you know, or maybe you are oblivious, but today is Ash Wednesday. That means that yesterday was Shrove Tuesday, or Fat Tuesday as we call it at my house, and the next 40 days are Lent.

Whether you are religious or not, almost all of us celebrate Easter. And once again…Jesus is the reason for the season! I am not here to be preachy or anything else and honestly I haven’t participated in Lent myself in a long time. This year I feel a bit differently about the whole thing. I am not sure why. Maybe because my daughter is actively participating (she goes to the same Catholic School that I did) and looks to me for guidance. Maybe it’s just a personal way to better myself. Whatever the reason here are some of my thoughts/plans/actions on what Lent is really about.

Shrove (FAT) Tuesday is always crazy. Everyone in our geographical area participates. It’s all about the Paczkis! A Paczki is similar to a donut. It is filled with yummy stuff and has either a glaze or a powder on it. The best bakeries in town will have lines out the door, maybe even around the block on the morning of Shrove Tuesday. Does your city have Paczkis? The reason behind Fat Tuesday is that you eat lots of calories on this specific day in order to prepare for Fasting the next day (Ash Wednesday). So I basically ate my regular diet all day plus 1 maple glazed venetian cream paczki and some extra snacks. I wasn’t trying to go crazy but I did let myself have chips because I am giving those up for Lent. 40 days without chips WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

Ash Wednesday is the very first day of Lent. During Lent you usually give something up. Something that you will miss greatly. Something that will be hard for you. This is to symbolize the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and was tempted by Satan. This year I have decided to give up chips. Maybe that might be an easy thing for some people but for me…chips are my kryptonite. We ALWAYS have chips in the house. My mother buys new bags as soon as we are out. I feel like this is going to be a huge temptation but I think I can do it. If for nothing else but the fact that I should not be eating as many chips as I do in the first place.

Fridays will be filled with fish. Lenten Fridays are supposed to also be for Abstinence (just like Ash Wednesday). So that means no meat on these days!

Now, lent is not just about sacrificing. It is also about giving back or doing good deeds. My daughter is totally into this aspect of Lent and this is the part that I love too. So, as a family, we have decided to sponsor a child from Africa. This decision had less to do with Lent and more to do with being thankful for what we have and wanting to share with the less fortunate. World Vision, the organization that we are sponsoring  this child through, seems pretty great. They don’t just help one child with your money, they help that child’s community as well. We really feel amazing about this decision. Not only are we helping one child, that child’s family and their community but we get to use this as a teaching opportunity for my daughter as well. We cannot wait to start sending our letters to our new friend and hopefully receive some in return.

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Do you actively participate in Lenten activities? Do you give anything up for Lent? Do you celebrate Easter? How?

Meal Prep Monday-February 1st

Whats up peeps? Its been a while. Let me give you a little catch-me-up before I get down to business.

January has been CRAY CRAY! Getting my daughter back to school after Christmas holiday has been horrific (Read all about our ADHD Life here ). The plus side: the screaming and out-right refusal has stopped but the crying about not feeling well and not want to go to daycare or school continues. My grandma was in and out of hospital, which meant sleep overs on her couch while she was recovering. Work, work, and more work. We have started horseback riding at a new farm (my daughter not me lol) once a week. I am going to Zumba twice a week now instead of just once. I also started taking an online class from the local college to possibly get a NEW career. It’s one class but it takes up about 7-8 hours a week of my nightly routine. So to say that I have been busy, and STRESSED is an understatement.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to find time to, or even want to, work out. I can’t seem to get the motivation to do any exercise at home and I’m getting to the point that I don’t even want to go to ZUMBA! Say it isn’t so! My muscles don’t hurt anymore after my class, just my joints…constantly! Which I am sure has something to do with my arthritis and the weather this time of year. I have even quit going to the gym (for now). I don’t know if it’s just me being totally worn out or if it’s the season or a bit of both but I am hoping that I can my shit together really soon.

I have been sticking to the diet given to me by my dietician but I have GAINED 4 pounds in the last month. Maybe 4 pounds doesn’t sound like that much but when I think about how long it took me to lose those 4 pounds (almost a year) it is absolutely terrifying! I think this has also contributed to my non-motivational funk. I feel like I worked so hard to lose that weight and then POOF there is in, right back on.

I am frustrated and unnerved but I am TRYING not to let that get me down 100%. The one thing that I have not been slacking on is my tracking and my meal prep. I am switching up my meal plan AGAIN. Less carb, more veg and protein. More veg is the downfall. Its not that I don’t like veggies, its just that I would rather have fruit and fruit has more sugar. And picking better-for-me items to snack on when I am hungry in between meals.  I need to find the balance and I need to find it NOW!

My NEW meal plan for the following week includes the following:

Breakfast: 240 calories, 54 carbs, 5 grams of protein

  • Quaker Oats-Maple Oatmeal
  • 1 apple

Lunch: 340 calories, 30 carbs, 18 grams of protein

  • 2 home-made chicken wraps with garlic sauce and hummus (pictured below)
  • 1 cup cucumber slices

Snacks:

  • 1 Oikos Greek Yogurt (Raspberry Truffle to curb the sweet cravings after lunch)
  • Dehydrated zuchinni chips (home-made!)
  • 1 Quaker Granola Bar

Dinner: Under 500 calories

  • I now have a TON of veggies on hand that I can pop in the microwave or oven when I get home to go with whatever my wonderful mother has cooked us for dinner. Brussel sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli, zucchini etc.
    • I am doing this to include MORE veggies and to make sure that I fill up  more on veggies and less on carbs.

The last change that I made to this week’s meal plan was to incorporate MORE water. I drink plenty of water but had definately been slipping up on this aspect for the past month or so. So I am re-committing myself to drinking more water. My beautiful tumbler that I got for Christmas is sitting on my desk right now, filled to the brim! (Also shown in the pictures below)

These are the pics of my very YUMMY Chicken Wraps with Garlic Sauce and Hummus. If your interested they are super easy to make: 2 small tortillas, 1/2 tsp lebanese garlic spread, 1 tsp hummus, 1/4 cup grilled skinless boneless chicken breast, cucumber slices and romaine lettuce. All under 400 calories.

What are you meal prepping this week? What does your meal plan look like on any given day or week?