Meal Prep Monday + My Journeying

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I was not blessed with a butt. I have never in my life been the girl with the ‘booty’, the ‘ba-donk-a-donk’, or the ‘junk in her trunk’. My sister and I both suffer from ‘pancake booty’ or in other words…a flat ass lol We blame our parents for our misfortune as neither of them have a booty either (I curse you GENES!!). Anyways, I tell you about my flat butted issues because after working out for the past few months and really giving my all to those squat thrusts and squat lifts and squat (whatever other kind of squat you can think of) during Zumba…I, OFFICIALLY, have a booty lol WOOHOO me lol this is a huge accomplishment and I am happy to share it with the world…or at least my small blogging family.

It hasn’t been all wondrous news though. I did a weigh in recently and..I have gained. I am now basically back to my pre-journey weight. WTF?! I know that this weight is muscle. I know this because I can see my body changing. Not just my new ass 😀 but my stomach is visibly (even to me) smaller, my hips and my thighs are tighter etc. Even though I know that this weight gain is a result of building muscle, which is a great thing, I still feel appalled. Appalled at myself for not losing anything. Appalled at my body for being so resistant to weight loss. Appalled at the fact that I have been on this journey for a year, and after all of the work that I put in, I am not any closer to the goals that I had in mind than I was before. Maybe I am a little closer (see: my booty) but not anywhere near where I expect to be at this stage in the game.

Even though I have had a rough go, I am not letting this stop me. Back to the doctors I go to see what the next plan of action is. What else I need to change. I know that I need to get in more muscle building workouts because honestly, I don’t do them at all right now. The only thing I do is Zumba for an hour 2-3 times a week. Since Zumba focuses on legs and cardio my next step is starting to add in 1 workout a week (for now) focused mainly on building muscle in my mid to upper body. This is the hardest part because I will be doing this at home. If you ask my Zumba instructor, I have NEVER missed a class, shown up late once or twice yes, but never missed..not even one. I have never been a class person but clearly the fact that I have other people expecting me to be there actually pushes me to go lol Doing a workout at home, by myself most likely, is what will be hard. But I can do it!! I need to do it!

Anyways, I meal prepped my ass off yesterday and have some great lunches and snacks to show for it this week. You know I always struggle with my dinners as I don’t cook them but my gym has this awesome program where you can purchase meals for $8. They are prepared fresh and you can have them customized to exactly what you want and need. EX) if you need to stay below a certain amount of calories per meal or if you have dietary restrictions you tell them that and they make the meals customized to you. It’s basically meal prepping but I don’t have to do any of the work lol So I purchased a few of those this week to try out. I plan on using them specifically for dinner so that maybe I can get a more balanced meal than I have been (You mean a bowl of Mac N’ Cheese isn’t a balanced meal?!?! :O). So here is my meal plan for the next week:

Breakfast: 240 calories, 45 carbohydrates

  • 1 packet of Quaker Oats Maple Oatmeal
  • 1 apple

Morning Snack: 100 calories 0 carbohydrates

  • ½ cup 1% cottage cheese
  • ½ cup sliced cucumber

Lunch: 340 calories, 40 carbohydrates

  • 1 baked tilapia filet
  • ½ cup uncle ben’s brown and wild rice
  • 1 cup steamed broccoli

Afternoon snack: 0 calories, 0 carbohydrates

  • Fresh veggies. If I really need something yummy I will add in some laughing cow cheese (this makes it 50 calories, 0 carb)

Dinner:

  •  I don’t know the exact details of these yet but under 450 calories and I requested 3 meals, 1 steak, 1 chicken, 1 salmon with veggies and a carb.

Other snacks: 100 calories each (I may not eat all of these in 1 day, I switch it up for whatever I am feeling or add in one of these if I need a sweet treat)

  • 1 Oikos Greek Yogurt-desert flavour (lemon meringue anyone?!)
  • 1 Chewy granola bar
  • Guacamole with a few Tostitos

My lunch was super yummy and I can’t wait to eat it again tomorrow…and the for the rest of the week :O lol

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My lunches before I put the rice in. If you put the tilapia over the veggies to re-heat it will add flavour and you will not have to add Salt.

Did you meal prep this week? What did you make? Do you count calories or do something else to help control or lose weight?

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Good-Bye Confidence It Was Nice Knowing You

FYI: This post has very personal things in it…so if you don’t want to know about my sex life…stop reading here lol

Up until now, I was a badass bitch and I knew it. I had the attitude that said I love myself and if you don’t like the way I look then I don’t GAF! But then…I got naked in front of a man and my confidence was nowhere to be found.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident woman. I was never confident growing up but the older I got, the more my confidence grew. Yes there are parts of my body that I would like to change but in general I am pretty OK with it. In my situation, with the fact that it is so hard for me to lose weight, I kind of have to be ok with where ever I am in my journey. But apparently when I am NAKED in front of someone else it changes my self-image completely!

For me, I have not been with a man in 5 years. It started as getting over a breakup, then I was too busy with my kid, then I just got scared because by that time it had been a few years and now here we are. I felt ready. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but I NEEDED to sleep with someone lol how desperate does that sound but 5 YEARS?! Come on! It was overdue haha. So I decided to sleep with a man that I trusted. A good friend if you will.

This really has nothing to do with the person I was with. He is nothing but a sweetheart and would never say anything bad about my body. It has to do with the way I viewed MYSELF.

The sex was great. But there was this little voice in the back of my head saying awful things to me…about me! “Not good enough” “Fat” “Huge” “disgusting”. The self-doubt and total self-consciousness filled my head. I felt those awful things afterwards. Not because of having sex, but because I felt like my body wasn’t good enough. Like my looks and my weight were all that mattered in the equation and they felt not good enough to me.

I am fine now. That self-conscious feeling went away and I am back to my Fabulous self again, but what the hell? Why does that happen? How does that little voice in the back of our heads sneak in there when we least expect it to? When we are feeling great about ourselves, 100% confident and fabulous. I want to tell that sneaky little voice to shut the F*CK up.

What I have learned from this experience; I will have sex AGAIN because let’s be honest, I am never waiting 5 years to have sex ever again lol. The other thing is…I need to love myself MORE. I found out the hard way that I didn’t appreciate my body as much as I thought that I did. That is going to change.

As I have written before, I AM ENOUGH. I am MORE than enough. I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and sexy and the list goes on. I know that about myself. I just need to reconfirm my own self-image. To remind myself that I am an amazing woman with, or without, clothes on. 🙂

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A picture that I feel pretty in ❤

 

 

 

Results

I started this Journey at 231 pounds in December 2014. This was my starting point of KNOWING that I couldn’t live like this any longer. KNOWING that my weight, me being obese, was going to kill me and leave my daughter without her mommy if I didnt start taking care of it.

Today, 6 months after I came to that realization, I am down 13 pounds. To some that may not seem like a lot but for me, it is a huge accomplishment.  I am also down just over 3 inches, 2 of which are in my tummy/waist. I feel stronger and have more energy too.

I realized after I did all of my measurements and weighed in that I have actually reached 2 of my short term goals. 2 goals down, all in 1 day 🙂

  1. Loose 10 pounds
  2. Get under 220 pounds

So I started at 231 pounds. My current weight is 218 pounds (as of last night). I have not been under 220 pounds since I got pregnant with my daughter 8 years ago! People are commenting on my bum and legs looking slimmer, even though they arent measuring a whole lot less than what they were originally. I think this is because they are getting toned. I can feel that I have less skin/fat hanging on the inside of my thighs. My clothing is not fitting differently yet, but I notice that when I look in the mirror my fat bumps above my belly button and above my butt are definitely getting smaller. This too me is a huge step in the right direction.

This all just amazes me. I am so happy with myself for starting this journey. I am also happy because I am still determined to finish it! I havent given up yet, even though it is difficult, even though I have days that I doubt myself entirely. I am building a whole newly improved me and I am ready for this. 🙂

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

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Lower Focus DONE!

I am in a pretty great mood today. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, 2 pounds have found their way off of my body!…Wait what?

Thats right, I am officially down 2 pounds. Some more not see this as a great weight loss but for me, being a diabetic and the effort that it takes to loose any weight, this is a huge weight loss.  It has brought me that much closer to my first goal of being under 220 pounds. My current weight is 222 pounds so that means I only have 2 more pounds to loose to reach that goal. In total I am down 8 pounds since December!

My workouts, at least the cardio, are getting easier. Well not necessarily easier but I have better balance and can hold positions longer and don’t get AS winded (but still pretty fricken winded).

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Breaky! Oikos vanilla greek yogurt, with berries and some mixed nuts. Yummy ❤

Ive brought lunch with me every day (except Fridays) for the past 3 weeks. On Sundays I make a big batch of whatever it is that I have decided to bring for lunch that week. This week I brought The Biggest Loser Chicken Cacciatore with the Wild Rice Blend that I love

Im feeling pretty good about the path that I have chosen and how I am doing following the path so far. Of course there are and will always be bumps in the road but that is all apart of the journey.

Go out and make a great life for yourself. After all, its the only one you have. 🙂

The Goals For My Future

I was asked a few simple questions today. A few simple questions that have made me realize that I have been lying to myself for a really long time. I was asked: What made you decide to loose weight now? Whats different from the last time you tried to loose weight? What are your goals and when do you think you will achieve them?

2 years ago, I got it into my head that I was going to loose 100 pounds in a year. Easy enough right? I was working out, mainly speed walking at the gym, when I started getting horrible pain in my feet. I later found out that I have arthritis, in my feet and knee, at the ripe old age of 25 (at the time). I also got a really horrible tissue infection in my right leg that left me down for the count for about 6 weeks. These were all really good excuses as to why I quit.

In all reality, I was scared shit-less. Scared of the pain in my feet and scared of infection returning to my leg. I never told anyone that until a few months ago. I think actually telling someone my fear is what really helped me decide that it was time to try again. Hearing myself say out loud “I am afraid” brought me to reality.

So I begin again.

My weight loss Journey.

Why now?

I am sick and tired of being fat! Being a BBW is fine, and I do love myself. I am beautiful, intelligent, strong willed and I have a killer personality but being fat sucks! I cannot do everything that I want to do in life, while I am in this body.

How long will it take?

This time around I put no time limit on my journey. It will take as long as I need it to take. Maybe three years, maybe it will never be over, and that’s OK.

My Goals?

I believe my goals will be ever changing. That is why my journey may never be over. But for now my goals are as follows:

1) Lead a healthy lifestyle.

This includes eating healthier (not any specific diet, I am still going to live my life, but just healthier choices), and getting active. This will help me, and hopefully set a better example for my daughter.

2) Loose 20 pounds.

This is my first actual weight loss goal. Once I reach it I will up the anti but for now…I am half way there!

3) Be under 200 pounds.

My goal weight is 150 pounds but I am not focusing on that just yet. Getting under 200 pounds will be a huge accomplishment as I have not been that weight since I was about 17 years old.

4) Be able to shop in ANY store I want.

This is actually a huge one for me. I have been shopping in plus size stores since I was 17, and paying the plus size price tag as well. I love that there are stores targeted specifically to plus size woman. There are even stores targeted to YOUNG plus size woman. But you know what? Im sick of being confined to a few stores that I can buy clothing at.

I am a young 20 something. I want to be able to walk into any store, try something on, and have it fit! I want to be able to be on trend and be able to go shopping where all of my girlfriends shop instead of dragging them to Addition-elle or Maurice or Penningtons for myself. I want to be able to buy what I want, from wherever I want.

5) Stop saying no to active play with my daughter.

I do this. I know every parent doeswpid-20150226_174802.jpg it at some point or another but I do it so often that my daughter no longer wants to do anything active, even if I suggest it. I feel like a failure in this aspect but that is going to change. We will get outside and do things together and I will no longer say no, or take no for an answer.

Why is this time different than the last?

I am sick of making up excuses as to why I ‘cant’ excersize. I am an able bodied person. It might take me double the time to do the same workout as someone half my size, I may have to modifty every single move for my arthritis and just because I am not up to that specific skill set or speed yet, but thats OK! Thats OK because Im not going to sit on my ass and watch my life go by anymore. I am going to get up and live it.

My Motivation

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Not Journey-ing Alone

The original plan for my weight loss journey was to do everything myself. Plan alone, work out alone, succeed alone.

My Main B*TCH. Love this woman <3But what fun is that? :)

My best friend, or should I say my Main B*tch, as we so lovingly call each other, has decided to complete the 30 day challenge with me. I’m pretty pumped about this as she has been getting pretty down about her body ever since she had her son, 11 months ago.  I tell her daily that she looks amazing (because she Does!) but that is something that you have to believe about yourself before wpid-screenshot_2015-03-30-11-39-27.pngyou can really hear it from others.

So she IS IN. We are in this together. Hopefully to keep each other motivated and provide support for each other when we need it, and even when we don’t.

The only thing I am worried about is becoming dependent on her. I do not want that to happen. I have, in the past, gotten ready to loose weight with a friend and then if they do not want to go to the gym I don’t go either. If that friend eats a burger, well hell I might as well eat one too right? This will not happen to me this time. I have decided to do this on my own and I will do it whether I have company or not, whether I have a workout buddy or not. I need to do this for ME, not for anyone else.

I am determined. I am ready to do this for myself 🙂

About Me

Hello and thank you for visiting my blog!

My name? Mom, Mommy, Mama, or Ashley. I am also known as a; confidante, chaser of bad dreams, kisser of boo boos, meanie, rule maker, rule enforcer, daughter, mother, sister, best friend…..you catch my drift.

I am an outspoken, kind hearted, strong woman. I have an amazing group of family and friends. I love my life and I love myself.

I love myself. That is why I am starting this blog. This blog is about my journey to getting fit. The hitch? I am a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman for those of you who don’t know what BBW means). I have about 80-90 lbs. to loose and it is not going anywhere fast. I have decided to change my life. It is going to be a big change. It will take a lot of time and commitment, but I know that I AM WORTH IT!

I am writing this blog to speak to the things that most people think, but are afraid to say. Hell I am afraid to say them myself! Nonetheless, my goal is to say them anyways.

I am writing this blog for inspiration. To inspire myself and hopefully I will be able to inspire others in the process.

I am also writing this blog so that one day I can look back and say WOW! Look where you were only 30 days ago; 6 months ago, 2 years ago. Look at all you have accomplished. Look at all you have to be proud of.

Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey that they call life.

Don’t worry. This is just the BEGINNING!

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