Its Been a Minute

Hello WordPress world!!

Wow it’s been a minute.

Recently, a good friend of mine told me that I need to start writing again. My life has been flipped upside down and I just don’t know which way is up anymore. So with her great advice of “it will help you” here I am, beginning over.

This post, or even the rest of my blog, may not be about ‘fitness’ or getting healthy or anything in particular. I am just going to write what I need to write, for myself. If it inspires people, cool. If it doesn’t and everyone hates it, that’s cool too.

Newest update on my life?

My daughter is 11. She has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.

We got a pupper that I am training to be her service doggo.

My mom is dying, quickly. She was diagnosed with ALS a few months ago. They do not think she will stay with us very much longer.

I am taking a leave of absence from my job to take care of her.

I am not working out. Or eating right. And I don’t care at this moment in my life.

I’m bitter and resentful and completely lost in life.

I am still me.

I’m Back Baby!

I’m back!

I cannot believe that it has been 3 months since my last ‘REAL’ post. Life got busy, I got lazy, and everything was kind of set on Auto-Pilot for a while. You know the whole…get up and get ready for work, get the kid up and ready for daycare, go to work, come home, dinner, make lunches, do laundry, study for school, go to bed and start the whole thing over again tomorrow thing? Ya that has been my life for the past while.

This post is actually really difficult for me to write. My first post in what seems like forever but I need to be honest and I need to be real. That’s what my blog has been about all along.

So here is my truth: I haven’t been going to the gym. I have barely made it to Zumba. I basically haven’t done ANY workouts in what seems like forever. My meal prep has been lacking as well. My go to these days are yogurt with protein powder and fruit for breakfast, a frozen Steamer or Lean Cuisine for lunch, some cucumbers with cheese for snack and whatever is ready for dinner when I get home from work. Not awful but not the best.

I saw a nutritionist who instructed me to lose all carb in my diet. I know that this is what most people do to lose weight but as a Type 1 Diabetic I do not feel comfortable doing that. My dietitian has ALWAYS made me think that carb is an important part of a Type 1 Diabetic diet. The nutritionist also asked me to double my water consumption (I am now drinking approximately 16 cups of water a day…thats like 3 liters of water LOL) so you know what else I’ve been doing a lot of haha.

My weight hasn’t fluctuated MUCH. I am definitely up a few pounds but fitting into smaller sizes WOOHOO. Before I saw the nutritionist I had actually gone down 1 full dress size. Which just seems insane and impossible to me. This just goes to show you that the number on the scale is not always what it seems to be. I am currently hitting the scale around 225 to 230 pounds (I know the number scares me too) So I must have gained some muscle mass while I WAS working out…now the trick is not to lose it!

I have a new fitness DVD sitting at home just waiting to be opened and put into the DVD player. I just need to find that drive and motivation that I had when I first started this process.

Even though nothing seems to help me lose weight and nothing seems to be going the way it should I am trying to keep going. It is very frustrating and disheartening but I need to push forward or I will NEVER reach my goals. And that is NOT an option.

Here is to pushing forward and getting back that motivation to move my ass! ❤


The Goals For My Future

I was asked a few simple questions today. A few simple questions that have made me realize that I have been lying to myself for a really long time. I was asked: What made you decide to loose weight now? Whats different from the last time you tried to loose weight? What are your goals and when do you think you will achieve them?

2 years ago, I got it into my head that I was going to loose 100 pounds in a year. Easy enough right? I was working out, mainly speed walking at the gym, when I started getting horrible pain in my feet. I later found out that I have arthritis, in my feet and knee, at the ripe old age of 25 (at the time). I also got a really horrible tissue infection in my right leg that left me down for the count for about 6 weeks. These were all really good excuses as to why I quit.

In all reality, I was scared shit-less. Scared of the pain in my feet and scared of infection returning to my leg. I never told anyone that until a few months ago. I think actually telling someone my fear is what really helped me decide that it was time to try again. Hearing myself say out loud “I am afraid” brought me to reality.

So I begin again.

My weight loss Journey.

Why now?

I am sick and tired of being fat! Being a BBW is fine, and I do love myself. I am beautiful, intelligent, strong willed and I have a killer personality but being fat sucks! I cannot do everything that I want to do in life, while I am in this body.

How long will it take?

This time around I put no time limit on my journey. It will take as long as I need it to take. Maybe three years, maybe it will never be over, and that’s OK.

My Goals?

I believe my goals will be ever changing. That is why my journey may never be over. But for now my goals are as follows:

1) Lead a healthy lifestyle.

This includes eating healthier (not any specific diet, I am still going to live my life, but just healthier choices), and getting active. This will help me, and hopefully set a better example for my daughter.

2) Loose 20 pounds.

This is my first actual weight loss goal. Once I reach it I will up the anti but for now…I am half way there!

3) Be under 200 pounds.

My goal weight is 150 pounds but I am not focusing on that just yet. Getting under 200 pounds will be a huge accomplishment as I have not been that weight since I was about 17 years old.

4) Be able to shop in ANY store I want.

This is actually a huge one for me. I have been shopping in plus size stores since I was 17, and paying the plus size price tag as well. I love that there are stores targeted specifically to plus size woman. There are even stores targeted to YOUNG plus size woman. But you know what? Im sick of being confined to a few stores that I can buy clothing at.

I am a young 20 something. I want to be able to walk into any store, try something on, and have it fit! I want to be able to be on trend and be able to go shopping where all of my girlfriends shop instead of dragging them to Addition-elle or Maurice or Penningtons for myself. I want to be able to buy what I want, from wherever I want.

5) Stop saying no to active play with my daughter.

I do this. I know every parent doeswpid-20150226_174802.jpg it at some point or another but I do it so often that my daughter no longer wants to do anything active, even if I suggest it. I feel like a failure in this aspect but that is going to change. We will get outside and do things together and I will no longer say no, or take no for an answer.

Why is this time different than the last?

I am sick of making up excuses as to why I ‘cant’ excersize. I am an able bodied person. It might take me double the time to do the same workout as someone half my size, I may have to modifty every single move for my arthritis and just because I am not up to that specific skill set or speed yet, but thats OK! Thats OK because Im not going to sit on my ass and watch my life go by anymore. I am going to get up and live it.

My Motivation


The Journey has begun! Days 1 and 2.

I want to die!

Ive been told that it gets easier, but I don’t know if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet.

We started the first day of our 30 day challenge on Monday night. It had been a long, emotionally tiring day that included rude employees and an Easter Party to throw for my Brownie and Spark group.  Lets just say that I was in no mood to work out. But I decided that this was a challenge after all. A challenge to get out of your comfort zone and get off your ASS!

Our very FIRST Sweaty Selfie!

Needless to say, we worked out. We (being my best friend and myself) actually worked our asses off. And you know what? I did not feel as grumpy when we were finished. I knew my mood would change once I began working out, which was a big motivator for me to actually do the workout in the first place.

Focus T25—Cardio was our work out of choice for our first night. It was hard, even doing the modified version. I almost gave up about half way through thinking “OH MY GOD, my chest is going to cave in.” My butt muscle cramped up at one point, which made doing those damn squats quite awesome. (NOT). I even felt that notorious ‘Im gonna puke’ feeling when I finished.  However, I did not give up. I pushed through, even though I had to do some of the modifiers a lot slower than they were showing, and I finished the whole 25 minutes of the workout. I am actually pretty proud of myself 🙂

My hips are killing me today and I feel like my legs might give out at any time, but thats ok. It will get easier. Hopefully after 2 weeks of this workout my legs wont hurt as much.

Sweaty Selfie

On the second day of the 30 Day Beach Body Challenge we tried out the Hip Hop Abs video. I dont know about you, but I have ALWAYS wanted to try Hip Hop Abs. Well let me tell you, it was a flop! I knew I did not like it within the first 5 minutes. There were no modifiers, he went too quickly and I was barely breaking a sweat.

We finished the 20 minute workout and decided that we had not sweat enough, so we did 10 minutes of the Focus T25 Ab Intervals. This video was SO MUCH BETTER! It was hard. Hard enough that I couldn’t do everything that they were showing; but, I modified those parts of the workout so that I was still working on the same muscle group just in a slightly different way. Even though we only did 10 minutes of the 25 minute video we were sweating our butts off!wpid-20150331_211644.jpg

Sweating our butts off is the best part. When you’ve finished your workout, you FEEL like that workout did something!

Today, my thighs are in rough shape. I feel like I can barely walk. I definitely cannot go up or down the stairs as usual (I have to kind of hop/shuffle up and down). So our next work out will be strictly arms and some cardio. I have to give these legs a break or I feel like they might actually fall off. 🙂

If you have any questions about the meal plan or what food I’m eating, please feel free to ask away! I log EVERYTHING into the My Fitness Pal app.

Leave a comment on how your shedding the pounds too. 🙂

The Day of Dread—D-Day

Have you ever felt so embarrassed and ashamed of your body that you wanted to run and hide? Well, that was me last night.

Last night I got my measurements and before pictures done. Last night, was the night I had been dreading ever since I signed up for Beach Body. I knew it was coming, and I knew it had to be done but the closer I got to D Day, the more that weight of dread grew deep in my belly.

How could I take a picture of THIS? This floppy, hanging, fat belly. How could I take a picture of THESE? These things my mom calls ‘Angel Wings’ but are also known as my back boobs and flabby arms. How could I take a picture of THOSE? My ginormous thighs that rub together with every step.

I know everyone who is overweight has asked themselves these questions.  “How could I have let myself get to this point? How did I get SO BIG?” or said to themselves “OH MY GOD, Im huge! I cant believe what you have done to yourself.”

As I stood in front of my best friend, my sister, my mom and my daughter to get my pictures taken, in nothing more than bike shorts and a bra, I felt shame and embarrassment radiating through me. But then, I looked at my daughter and thought, “I cant let her see me so upset about my body.” So I stood up straighter, and I smiled while I got those pictures taken.

These pictures are the first step on my journey. Whether I was ashamed to get them taken or not, I will be grateful for them eventually.

D-Day or The Day of Dread is finished and I did not break. I did not even crack. I will be OK.

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Not Journey-ing Alone

The original plan for my weight loss journey was to do everything myself. Plan alone, work out alone, succeed alone.

My Main B*TCH. Love this woman <3But what fun is that? :)

My best friend, or should I say my Main B*tch, as we so lovingly call each other, has decided to complete the 30 day challenge with me. I’m pretty pumped about this as she has been getting pretty down about her body ever since she had her son, 11 months ago.  I tell her daily that she looks amazing (because she Does!) but that is something that you have to believe about yourself before wpid-screenshot_2015-03-30-11-39-27.pngyou can really hear it from others.

So she IS IN. We are in this together. Hopefully to keep each other motivated and provide support for each other when we need it, and even when we don’t.

The only thing I am worried about is becoming dependent on her. I do not want that to happen. I have, in the past, gotten ready to loose weight with a friend and then if they do not want to go to the gym I don’t go either. If that friend eats a burger, well hell I might as well eat one too right? This will not happen to me this time. I have decided to do this on my own and I will do it whether I have company or not, whether I have a workout buddy or not. I need to do this for ME, not for anyone else.

I am determined. I am ready to do this for myself 🙂

About Me

Hello and thank you for visiting my blog!

My name? Mom, Mommy, Mama, or Ashley. I am also known as a; confidante, chaser of bad dreams, kisser of boo boos, meanie, rule maker, rule enforcer, daughter, mother, sister, best friend… catch my drift.

I am an outspoken, kind hearted, strong woman. I have an amazing group of family and friends. I love my life and I love myself.

I love myself. That is why I am starting this blog. This blog is about my journey to getting fit. The hitch? I am a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman for those of you who don’t know what BBW means). I have about 80-90 lbs. to loose and it is not going anywhere fast. I have decided to change my life. It is going to be a big change. It will take a lot of time and commitment, but I know that I AM WORTH IT!

I am writing this blog to speak to the things that most people think, but are afraid to say. Hell I am afraid to say them myself! Nonetheless, my goal is to say them anyways.

I am writing this blog for inspiration. To inspire myself and hopefully I will be able to inspire others in the process.

I am also writing this blog so that one day I can look back and say WOW! Look where you were only 30 days ago; 6 months ago, 2 years ago. Look at all you have accomplished. Look at all you have to be proud of.

Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey that they call life.

Don’t worry. This is just the BEGINNING!

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