Confidence Is Key

Self Confidence

Who would have thought, over a year ago, I would feel this good?

It is crazy to believe that when I started this journey I actually felt like crap. Physically and mentally.

A year ago I was always down on myself. I felt ugly and fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like none of my clothes fit properly and that everyone judged me on how big I was. I was SUPER quiet and introverted when out without my best friends. I couldn’t make it up the stairs at work without getting out of breath. My blood sugars were out of control! I really felt like I was going nowhere in this life of mine.

It is crazy what a year and a half can do. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel great, physically. I actually take selfies and LOVE the way I look. I know its not all about how I look but in all reality, the way I felt about my body totally brought me down. Not saying that I don’t still have those days, everyone does, but they are fewer and farther between. I rely on my girlfriends, in those low times, to help me remember where I have been and where I am going.

What really made me want to write this post was my Zumba class. Zumba is fast paced and you are constantly moving. Shaking your hips, squatting, skipping, jumping, among other things. It is hard but it is SO FUN. When I first started this class I could barely make it through. I did a totally modified version because the jumping and fast paced moves seemed totally impossible. At that time, they were impossible. It HURT to jump, it hurt to do a million calf raise dances, and it sucked! I could not get my body to do what I wanted.

Anyways, in time (AKA a year and a half later), I have built up my stamina, my strength and my stability. I’ve been able to make it through classes without needing to sit out for half of the songs. I am now able to make it through all of the songs in a class and put WAY MORE effort into them. I have even been able to do a lot of the jumping moves that I thought would always be impossible. I still cannot do all of the jumping for the whole class. I still sometimes take 1 song to sit out if I am absolutely winded. I still slack sometimes when I feel like crap. But all of those things are ok because I know that I CAN do it. I AM doing it.

You need to know that the key to a successful fitness journey is not being able to workout hard and for long periods of time. It is not going to the gym and being able to run for an hour on the treadmill or lift 50lb weights or complete an ENTIRE Zumba class. The key to a successful fitness journey is to begin. Begin and keep going no matter how little you can do at first. When I first started with T25 I could only do about 15 minutes before I felt like I wanted to puke. So I did as much as I could and then I stopped and I didn’t feel bad about it because I did SOMETHING.

Just start with something little. Go for a walk, do a 10 minute workout from you tube, take as many breaks as you need to but keep going!

I may not be anywhere near where I want to be. I am not yet be close to my long term goals. I have had set backs but I keep on going and one day I will get there!

This is my Journey ❤

 

Good-Bye Confidence It Was Nice Knowing You

FYI: This post has very personal things in it…so if you don’t want to know about my sex life…stop reading here lol

Up until now, I was a badass bitch and I knew it. I had the attitude that said I love myself and if you don’t like the way I look then I don’t GAF! But then…I got naked in front of a man and my confidence was nowhere to be found.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident woman. I was never confident growing up but the older I got, the more my confidence grew. Yes there are parts of my body that I would like to change but in general I am pretty OK with it. In my situation, with the fact that it is so hard for me to lose weight, I kind of have to be ok with where ever I am in my journey. But apparently when I am NAKED in front of someone else it changes my self-image completely!

For me, I have not been with a man in 5 years. It started as getting over a breakup, then I was too busy with my kid, then I just got scared because by that time it had been a few years and now here we are. I felt ready. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but I NEEDED to sleep with someone lol how desperate does that sound but 5 YEARS?! Come on! It was overdue haha. So I decided to sleep with a man that I trusted. A good friend if you will.

This really has nothing to do with the person I was with. He is nothing but a sweetheart and would never say anything bad about my body. It has to do with the way I viewed MYSELF.

The sex was great. But there was this little voice in the back of my head saying awful things to me…about me! “Not good enough” “Fat” “Huge” “disgusting”. The self-doubt and total self-consciousness filled my head. I felt those awful things afterwards. Not because of having sex, but because I felt like my body wasn’t good enough. Like my looks and my weight were all that mattered in the equation and they felt not good enough to me.

I am fine now. That self-conscious feeling went away and I am back to my Fabulous self again, but what the hell? Why does that happen? How does that little voice in the back of our heads sneak in there when we least expect it to? When we are feeling great about ourselves, 100% confident and fabulous. I want to tell that sneaky little voice to shut the F*CK up.

What I have learned from this experience; I will have sex AGAIN because let’s be honest, I am never waiting 5 years to have sex ever again lol. The other thing is…I need to love myself MORE. I found out the hard way that I didn’t appreciate my body as much as I thought that I did. That is going to change.

As I have written before, I AM ENOUGH. I am MORE than enough. I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and sexy and the list goes on. I know that about myself. I just need to reconfirm my own self-image. To remind myself that I am an amazing woman with, or without, clothes on. 🙂

20151113_143446.png
A picture that I feel pretty in ❤

 

 

 

Meal Prep Monday- November 23rd

This past weekend was crazy! So much to do, so little time to meal prep!

Saturday was spent with my beautiful girl ❤ We spent the afternoon Christmas shopping, went out for dinner just the two of us and spent the snowy evening at the theatre! The Little Mermaid (LIVE!) was quite amazing, and she was beyond ecstatic. Mommy + daughter days are our absolute favourite days ❤
image image

image image

I got an hour Sunday morning to get some of my Turkey Meat Balls made! Woo Hoo! They are amazing to make and freeze for the days that you don’t have a meal prepared, or your family is eating something awful for dinner, or even just as a high protein snack after the gym.

Sunday afternoon was spent grocery shopping for the week and enjoying my niece’s 7th birthday with the FAM. We did not get home until late (8pm for my daughter is late lol). I really was in no mood to prepare my lunches for the week, but I put her to bed and got down to work.

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

This week I stuck to my usual breakfast of toast with avocado. It hasn’t gotten old yet! Plus, I got a great deal on avocados at the grocery store :).

For lunch I made something new, that I haven’t tried before. Baked Sweet Potato and Avocado Hash. I made an extra so that I could try it last night and let me tell you, it is yummy! I will post a recipe for this later on in the week.

For my snacks I have my usual apple, mixed veggies but I also picked up some rice cakes. I haven’t eaten a rice cake in YEARS so I am hoping that with a little peanut butter on top I will still like them lol

Well here it is. My Meal Prep for the week. Keep in mind that this only includes what I eat during the day. It does not include my dinner or if I have a snack after my workout of choice. Those are usually not planned (I need to start doing that) and might consist of a piece of whole grain bread with peanut butter or a Nutrigrain bar or something of that sort.

Breakfast: 330 calories, 40 carbohydrates

  • 2 12-grain toast
  • 1/2 avocado

Lunch:  320 calories, 30 carbohydrates

  • Baked Sweet Potato and Avocado Hash
    • (It is literally 1 sweet potato, 1/2 an avocado, and 1 fried (or poached) egg on top!)

Snacks: I usually have 2. I almost always eat my veggies plus one of the higher calorie snacks.

  • 1/2 Cucumber, 1 stick of celery 12 calories, 0 carbohydrates
  • 1 rice cake with 1 tsp of Kraft Smooth peanut butter 80 calories, 10 carbohydrates
  • Apple 60 calories, 18 carbohydrates

Did you meal prep this week? What are you eating? What is on your menu tonight?

Results

I started this Journey at 231 pounds in December 2014. This was my starting point of KNOWING that I couldn’t live like this any longer. KNOWING that my weight, me being obese, was going to kill me and leave my daughter without her mommy if I didnt start taking care of it.

Today, 6 months after I came to that realization, I am down 13 pounds. To some that may not seem like a lot but for me, it is a huge accomplishment.  I am also down just over 3 inches, 2 of which are in my tummy/waist. I feel stronger and have more energy too.

I realized after I did all of my measurements and weighed in that I have actually reached 2 of my short term goals. 2 goals down, all in 1 day 🙂

  1. Loose 10 pounds
  2. Get under 220 pounds

So I started at 231 pounds. My current weight is 218 pounds (as of last night). I have not been under 220 pounds since I got pregnant with my daughter 8 years ago! People are commenting on my bum and legs looking slimmer, even though they arent measuring a whole lot less than what they were originally. I think this is because they are getting toned. I can feel that I have less skin/fat hanging on the inside of my thighs. My clothing is not fitting differently yet, but I notice that when I look in the mirror my fat bumps above my belly button and above my butt are definitely getting smaller. This too me is a huge step in the right direction.

This all just amazes me. I am so happy with myself for starting this journey. I am also happy because I am still determined to finish it! I havent given up yet, even though it is difficult, even though I have days that I doubt myself entirely. I am building a whole newly improved me and I am ready for this. 🙂

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

wpid-20150529_231037.jpg
Lower Focus DONE!

I am in a pretty great mood today. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, 2 pounds have found their way off of my body!…Wait what?

Thats right, I am officially down 2 pounds. Some more not see this as a great weight loss but for me, being a diabetic and the effort that it takes to loose any weight, this is a huge weight loss.  It has brought me that much closer to my first goal of being under 220 pounds. My current weight is 222 pounds so that means I only have 2 more pounds to loose to reach that goal. In total I am down 8 pounds since December!

My workouts, at least the cardio, are getting easier. Well not necessarily easier but I have better balance and can hold positions longer and don’t get AS winded (but still pretty fricken winded).

wpid-20150602_090844.jpg
Breaky! Oikos vanilla greek yogurt, with berries and some mixed nuts. Yummy ❤

Ive brought lunch with me every day (except Fridays) for the past 3 weeks. On Sundays I make a big batch of whatever it is that I have decided to bring for lunch that week. This week I brought The Biggest Loser Chicken Cacciatore with the Wild Rice Blend that I love

Im feeling pretty good about the path that I have chosen and how I am doing following the path so far. Of course there are and will always be bumps in the road but that is all apart of the journey.

Go out and make a great life for yourself. After all, its the only one you have. 🙂

The Goals For My Future

I was asked a few simple questions today. A few simple questions that have made me realize that I have been lying to myself for a really long time. I was asked: What made you decide to loose weight now? Whats different from the last time you tried to loose weight? What are your goals and when do you think you will achieve them?

2 years ago, I got it into my head that I was going to loose 100 pounds in a year. Easy enough right? I was working out, mainly speed walking at the gym, when I started getting horrible pain in my feet. I later found out that I have arthritis, in my feet and knee, at the ripe old age of 25 (at the time). I also got a really horrible tissue infection in my right leg that left me down for the count for about 6 weeks. These were all really good excuses as to why I quit.

In all reality, I was scared shit-less. Scared of the pain in my feet and scared of infection returning to my leg. I never told anyone that until a few months ago. I think actually telling someone my fear is what really helped me decide that it was time to try again. Hearing myself say out loud “I am afraid” brought me to reality.

So I begin again.

My weight loss Journey.

Why now?

I am sick and tired of being fat! Being a BBW is fine, and I do love myself. I am beautiful, intelligent, strong willed and I have a killer personality but being fat sucks! I cannot do everything that I want to do in life, while I am in this body.

How long will it take?

This time around I put no time limit on my journey. It will take as long as I need it to take. Maybe three years, maybe it will never be over, and that’s OK.

My Goals?

I believe my goals will be ever changing. That is why my journey may never be over. But for now my goals are as follows:

1) Lead a healthy lifestyle.

This includes eating healthier (not any specific diet, I am still going to live my life, but just healthier choices), and getting active. This will help me, and hopefully set a better example for my daughter.

2) Loose 20 pounds.

This is my first actual weight loss goal. Once I reach it I will up the anti but for now…I am half way there!

3) Be under 200 pounds.

My goal weight is 150 pounds but I am not focusing on that just yet. Getting under 200 pounds will be a huge accomplishment as I have not been that weight since I was about 17 years old.

4) Be able to shop in ANY store I want.

This is actually a huge one for me. I have been shopping in plus size stores since I was 17, and paying the plus size price tag as well. I love that there are stores targeted specifically to plus size woman. There are even stores targeted to YOUNG plus size woman. But you know what? Im sick of being confined to a few stores that I can buy clothing at.

I am a young 20 something. I want to be able to walk into any store, try something on, and have it fit! I want to be able to be on trend and be able to go shopping where all of my girlfriends shop instead of dragging them to Addition-elle or Maurice or Penningtons for myself. I want to be able to buy what I want, from wherever I want.

5) Stop saying no to active play with my daughter.

I do this. I know every parent doeswpid-20150226_174802.jpg it at some point or another but I do it so often that my daughter no longer wants to do anything active, even if I suggest it. I feel like a failure in this aspect but that is going to change. We will get outside and do things together and I will no longer say no, or take no for an answer.

Why is this time different than the last?

I am sick of making up excuses as to why I ‘cant’ excersize. I am an able bodied person. It might take me double the time to do the same workout as someone half my size, I may have to modifty every single move for my arthritis and just because I am not up to that specific skill set or speed yet, but thats OK! Thats OK because Im not going to sit on my ass and watch my life go by anymore. I am going to get up and live it.

My Motivation

wpid-2015-04-08-10.50.37.jpg.jpegwpid-img-20140516-00434.jpg

Not Journey-ing Alone

The original plan for my weight loss journey was to do everything myself. Plan alone, work out alone, succeed alone.

My Main B*TCH. Love this woman <3But what fun is that? :)

My best friend, or should I say my Main B*tch, as we so lovingly call each other, has decided to complete the 30 day challenge with me. I’m pretty pumped about this as she has been getting pretty down about her body ever since she had her son, 11 months ago.  I tell her daily that she looks amazing (because she Does!) but that is something that you have to believe about yourself before wpid-screenshot_2015-03-30-11-39-27.pngyou can really hear it from others.

So she IS IN. We are in this together. Hopefully to keep each other motivated and provide support for each other when we need it, and even when we don’t.

The only thing I am worried about is becoming dependent on her. I do not want that to happen. I have, in the past, gotten ready to loose weight with a friend and then if they do not want to go to the gym I don’t go either. If that friend eats a burger, well hell I might as well eat one too right? This will not happen to me this time. I have decided to do this on my own and I will do it whether I have company or not, whether I have a workout buddy or not. I need to do this for ME, not for anyone else.

I am determined. I am ready to do this for myself 🙂

I AM IN

I AM IN.

Those are the three words that have started the ball rolling in the game that will save my life.

Confused? I bet you are. But for me this is the first time I am seeing with clarity.

I am fat. Actually I believe the technical term is ‘Obese’ or even ‘Morbidly Obese’. I am 5′ 7″ and weigh 230 lbs. I have approximately 70 pounds to loose to be at the top of what a doctor considers a ‘healthy weight’ for me.

I am a confidant beautiful woman, do not get me wrong. I am happy with my life. I have an amazing family, great group of friends, and a crazy little girl who has stolen my heart. But I want more. I feel like I deserve more in this life than I am letting myself experience. That I am ABLE to experience because of how heavy I am.

I AM IN.

I AM IN is what I had to say to get in on a 30 day beach body challenge that my coach was offering, for free, to a select few.  The challenge starts Monday and I am terrified.

I am terrified but I am ready! I am ready to take back control of my life. I am ready to work my ass off (or my stomach to be more exact) and get healthy. I know that there is a long road of blood, sweat, and tears ahead of me. I know that it is going to be unbearably difficult and at times I am going to want to give up. But I am done with this life. I am done with saying no to playing with my daughter because I am to tired. Done with getting winded running up a few flights of stairs. Done making excuses.

This is me and….

I AM IN!