Truth Hurts!

The truth hurts…and it hurts sooo bad!

My truth is that I havent worked out faithfully in over a month. A workout here, a long walk there, just doesnt add up to the regular workouts that I was used to doing. Because of this, I have lost muscle tone. I havent gained any weight and my clothes are still fitting the same, but I can feel my muscles tiring more easily.

So, I decided that yesterday was my re-start date. Yesterday was really when the truth hit me…and it hit me hard. I did T25 Alpha Cardio and I almost didnt make it! I felt like giving up hald way through. My muscles were not moving like I was used to them moving. This sucked! But honestly, I am so happy that I finished that damn workout.

My plan is to work out 4 nights a week, with a stretch/yoga day thrown in there somewhere. I am going to do T25 Alpha for at least 3 weeks and then Im going to move up to the T25 Beta that I was supposed to start weeks and weeks ago. That is when I plateaud with the workouts…when I was supposed to move up to the next level (Beta). Maybe I was scared, maybe I just got lazy but Im ready now.

I am ready to be strong and fit. I am ready to be a better me than I am right now.

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Back on the Band Wagon!

Ok, so I need to get pumped again. Ive been dragging my ass for the past 2 weeks and enough is enough.

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Monday Night Sweaty Selfie. T25 Cardio DONE!

Yesterday (Monday) was my first day of my new Beach Body Challenge.  It is a T25 specific challenge, but it is 10 weeks long and it features the entire program. I feel like I need these challenges to stay accountable. Without them, I just go off on my merry way and don’t force myself to work out. And right now, I literally have to force myself. I do not WANT to work out. It does not feel good or look good or make me feel all happy afterwards…no, it makes me kind of want to cry, or puke, or both. But guess what? I KNOW that I need to do this. I know that I will never get better, never loose this god forsaken weight unless I am giving it my all…and I am. I am now.

I am choosing (AGAIN) to do start this weight loss journey. Not that I ever actually stopped or gave up or anything, I just took a break that I shouldnt have. I figure, at least it wasnt a year long break like my last one, it was only 2 weeks. Next time, maybe it will only be 1 week, then no weeks.

This journey is for life. It is not a month, or wpid-20150519_082458.jpga year, or until I loose the amount of weight that I want to loose. It will become my way of life. It just takes time to form habits. Look how long I was eating like crap and not working out. It is going to take time to form this healthy lifestyle. Im not promising myself that I will EVER love to workout, or love eating fruit and yogurt for breakfast instead of eating a breakfast sandwhich from McDonalds….what I am promising myself is that it will be worth it.

The Goals For My Future

I was asked a few simple questions today. A few simple questions that have made me realize that I have been lying to myself for a really long time. I was asked: What made you decide to loose weight now? Whats different from the last time you tried to loose weight? What are your goals and when do you think you will achieve them?

2 years ago, I got it into my head that I was going to loose 100 pounds in a year. Easy enough right? I was working out, mainly speed walking at the gym, when I started getting horrible pain in my feet. I later found out that I have arthritis, in my feet and knee, at the ripe old age of 25 (at the time). I also got a really horrible tissue infection in my right leg that left me down for the count for about 6 weeks. These were all really good excuses as to why I quit.

In all reality, I was scared shit-less. Scared of the pain in my feet and scared of infection returning to my leg. I never told anyone that until a few months ago. I think actually telling someone my fear is what really helped me decide that it was time to try again. Hearing myself say out loud “I am afraid” brought me to reality.

So I begin again.

My weight loss Journey.

Why now?

I am sick and tired of being fat! Being a BBW is fine, and I do love myself. I am beautiful, intelligent, strong willed and I have a killer personality but being fat sucks! I cannot do everything that I want to do in life, while I am in this body.

How long will it take?

This time around I put no time limit on my journey. It will take as long as I need it to take. Maybe three years, maybe it will never be over, and that’s OK.

My Goals?

I believe my goals will be ever changing. That is why my journey may never be over. But for now my goals are as follows:

1) Lead a healthy lifestyle.

This includes eating healthier (not any specific diet, I am still going to live my life, but just healthier choices), and getting active. This will help me, and hopefully set a better example for my daughter.

2) Loose 20 pounds.

This is my first actual weight loss goal. Once I reach it I will up the anti but for now…I am half way there!

3) Be under 200 pounds.

My goal weight is 150 pounds but I am not focusing on that just yet. Getting under 200 pounds will be a huge accomplishment as I have not been that weight since I was about 17 years old.

4) Be able to shop in ANY store I want.

This is actually a huge one for me. I have been shopping in plus size stores since I was 17, and paying the plus size price tag as well. I love that there are stores targeted specifically to plus size woman. There are even stores targeted to YOUNG plus size woman. But you know what? Im sick of being confined to a few stores that I can buy clothing at.

I am a young 20 something. I want to be able to walk into any store, try something on, and have it fit! I want to be able to be on trend and be able to go shopping where all of my girlfriends shop instead of dragging them to Addition-elle or Maurice or Penningtons for myself. I want to be able to buy what I want, from wherever I want.

5) Stop saying no to active play with my daughter.

I do this. I know every parent doeswpid-20150226_174802.jpg it at some point or another but I do it so often that my daughter no longer wants to do anything active, even if I suggest it. I feel like a failure in this aspect but that is going to change. We will get outside and do things together and I will no longer say no, or take no for an answer.

Why is this time different than the last?

I am sick of making up excuses as to why I ‘cant’ excersize. I am an able bodied person. It might take me double the time to do the same workout as someone half my size, I may have to modifty every single move for my arthritis and just because I am not up to that specific skill set or speed yet, but thats OK! Thats OK because Im not going to sit on my ass and watch my life go by anymore. I am going to get up and live it.

My Motivation

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Not Journey-ing Alone

The original plan for my weight loss journey was to do everything myself. Plan alone, work out alone, succeed alone.

My Main B*TCH. Love this woman <3But what fun is that? :)

My best friend, or should I say my Main B*tch, as we so lovingly call each other, has decided to complete the 30 day challenge with me. I’m pretty pumped about this as she has been getting pretty down about her body ever since she had her son, 11 months ago.  I tell her daily that she looks amazing (because she Does!) but that is something that you have to believe about yourself before wpid-screenshot_2015-03-30-11-39-27.pngyou can really hear it from others.

So she IS IN. We are in this together. Hopefully to keep each other motivated and provide support for each other when we need it, and even when we don’t.

The only thing I am worried about is becoming dependent on her. I do not want that to happen. I have, in the past, gotten ready to loose weight with a friend and then if they do not want to go to the gym I don’t go either. If that friend eats a burger, well hell I might as well eat one too right? This will not happen to me this time. I have decided to do this on my own and I will do it whether I have company or not, whether I have a workout buddy or not. I need to do this for ME, not for anyone else.

I am determined. I am ready to do this for myself 🙂

About Me

Hello and thank you for visiting my blog!

My name? Mom, Mommy, Mama, or Ashley. I am also known as a; confidante, chaser of bad dreams, kisser of boo boos, meanie, rule maker, rule enforcer, daughter, mother, sister, best friend…..you catch my drift.

I am an outspoken, kind hearted, strong woman. I have an amazing group of family and friends. I love my life and I love myself.

I love myself. That is why I am starting this blog. This blog is about my journey to getting fit. The hitch? I am a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman for those of you who don’t know what BBW means). I have about 80-90 lbs. to loose and it is not going anywhere fast. I have decided to change my life. It is going to be a big change. It will take a lot of time and commitment, but I know that I AM WORTH IT!

I am writing this blog to speak to the things that most people think, but are afraid to say. Hell I am afraid to say them myself! Nonetheless, my goal is to say them anyways.

I am writing this blog for inspiration. To inspire myself and hopefully I will be able to inspire others in the process.

I am also writing this blog so that one day I can look back and say WOW! Look where you were only 30 days ago; 6 months ago, 2 years ago. Look at all you have accomplished. Look at all you have to be proud of.

Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey that they call life.

Don’t worry. This is just the BEGINNING!

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