Confidence Is Key

Self Confidence

Who would have thought, over a year ago, I would feel this good?

It is crazy to believe that when I started this journey I actually felt like crap. Physically and mentally.

A year ago I was always down on myself. I felt ugly and fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like none of my clothes fit properly and that everyone judged me on how big I was. I was SUPER quiet and introverted when out without my best friends. I couldn’t make it up the stairs at work without getting out of breath. My blood sugars were out of control! I really felt like I was going nowhere in this life of mine.

It is crazy what a year and a half can do. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel great, physically. I actually take selfies and LOVE the way I look. I know its not all about how I look but in all reality, the way I felt about my body totally brought me down. Not saying that I don’t still have those days, everyone does, but they are fewer and farther between. I rely on my girlfriends, in those low times, to help me remember where I have been and where I am going.

What really made me want to write this post was my Zumba class. Zumba is fast paced and you are constantly moving. Shaking your hips, squatting, skipping, jumping, among other things. It is hard but it is SO FUN. When I first started this class I could barely make it through. I did a totally modified version because the jumping and fast paced moves seemed totally impossible. At that time, they were impossible. It HURT to jump, it hurt to do a million calf raise dances, and it sucked! I could not get my body to do what I wanted.

Anyways, in time (AKA a year and a half later), I have built up my stamina, my strength and my stability. I’ve been able to make it through classes without needing to sit out for half of the songs. I am now able to make it through all of the songs in a class and put WAY MORE effort into them. I have even been able to do a lot of the jumping moves that I thought would always be impossible. I still cannot do all of the jumping for the whole class. I still sometimes take 1 song to sit out if I am absolutely winded. I still slack sometimes when I feel like crap. But all of those things are ok because I know that I CAN do it. I AM doing it.

You need to know that the key to a successful fitness journey is not being able to workout hard and for long periods of time. It is not going to the gym and being able to run for an hour on the treadmill or lift 50lb weights or complete an ENTIRE Zumba class. The key to a successful fitness journey is to begin. Begin and keep going no matter how little you can do at first. When I first started with T25 I could only do about 15 minutes before I felt like I wanted to puke. So I did as much as I could and then I stopped and I didn’t feel bad about it because I did SOMETHING.

Just start with something little. Go for a walk, do a 10 minute workout from you tube, take as many breaks as you need to but keep going!

I may not be anywhere near where I want to be. I am not yet be close to my long term goals. I have had set backs but I keep on going and one day I will get there!

This is my Journey ❤

 

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Meal Prep Monday- Our New Breakfast FAVE!

 

 

 

Our new breakfast favourite

I know that I have already posted many breakfast recipes but I just cant help it! Breakfast is my absolute favourite, especially when it is something warm and flavourful. MMM.

So I have a new breakfast favourite and wouldn’t you know it…my daughter LOVES them too. Like refuses to eat anything else (I think I may have created a breakfast monster).

Instead of just plain hard boiled eggs or even egg muffins or peanut butter melba toast that I have been eating previously, I decided to make Lentil and Egg Breakfast Burritos. They are SO versatile, can be made with healthy alternatives and WHO doesn’t love a burrito of any kind?? The lentils add the extra protein that you need and will keep you full and it covers that craving for meat and that I get at breakfast time.

Another reason that I love these Breakfast Burritos is that you can freeze them! This makes it easy to grab them out of the freezer the night before and they are ready for you in the morning. Grab N Go! I made a big batch so we are good to go all week, into next week.

I have made them twice now and I will include both variations just for an idea of how to change it up!

Ingredients:

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This is only about 1/4 of the burrito left after I started eating it lol

 

  • 8 12” Tortillas OR 12 6” tortillas (I used whole wheat)
  • 10 eggs
  • 1tsp oregano
  • 1 red bell pepper, chopped small
  • 1 onion, chopped small
  • 1 zucchinni, chopped small
  • 1 cup lentils uncooked or about 2 cups lentils cooked
  • 1tsp Olive oil
  • S&P to taste

Directions:

  1. Cook 1 cup of lentils (follow package directions) or use canned.
  2. Let lentils cool.
  3. Heat olive oil in a non-stick frying pan over medium high heat.
  4. Cook onion until starting to turn translucent, about 3 minutes.
  5. Add your pepper and zucchini and cook until soft, about 5 minutes (this is where you could use your variations).
  6. While your veggies cook, scramble your eggs and oregano. Normally you would add water or milk to scramble eggs but I don’t because I find it gets too watery when you re-heat your burrito later.
  7. Once veggies are cooked, add in your scrambled eggs AND lentils
  8. Scramble until eggs are cooked through. I sometimes will use a lid if the eggs are not cooking as quickly as I would like.
  9. Once everything is finished cooking let it all cool. Shred your cheese while you wait.

Building Your Burritos

  1. Lay out your tortillas
  2. Place about 3-4 rounded table spoons of egg mixture onto the tortilla
  3. Add a pinch of cheese
  4. Roll them up. I use the fold two sides in, then fold down the top and fold the bottom up. But whatever works best for you so that all of your ‘stuff’ stays INSIDE the burrito.
  5. Wrap them with saran wrap and either put them in the fridge or (if you won’t be eating them all right away) put them ALL in a Ziploc freezer bag and put them in the freezer.
  6. Take a frozen burrito out the day before you want it or you can heat from frozen. I usually do about 30 seconds per side for my thawed burritos, add an extra 30ish seconds for a frozen one!

Variations I have used besides this recipe include: red peppers and mushrooms with cheddar and feta cheese, spinach and mushroom with mozzarella cheese. Throw in whatever veggies you love to eat and I am sure it will be good!

Let me know if you try this and what you think. Or if you have any tried and true meal prep recipes that can be FROZEN let me know that too!

Good-Bye Confidence It Was Nice Knowing You

FYI: This post has very personal things in it…so if you don’t want to know about my sex life…stop reading here lol

Up until now, I was a badass bitch and I knew it. I had the attitude that said I love myself and if you don’t like the way I look then I don’t GAF! But then…I got naked in front of a man and my confidence was nowhere to be found.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident woman. I was never confident growing up but the older I got, the more my confidence grew. Yes there are parts of my body that I would like to change but in general I am pretty OK with it. In my situation, with the fact that it is so hard for me to lose weight, I kind of have to be ok with where ever I am in my journey. But apparently when I am NAKED in front of someone else it changes my self-image completely!

For me, I have not been with a man in 5 years. It started as getting over a breakup, then I was too busy with my kid, then I just got scared because by that time it had been a few years and now here we are. I felt ready. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but I NEEDED to sleep with someone lol how desperate does that sound but 5 YEARS?! Come on! It was overdue haha. So I decided to sleep with a man that I trusted. A good friend if you will.

This really has nothing to do with the person I was with. He is nothing but a sweetheart and would never say anything bad about my body. It has to do with the way I viewed MYSELF.

The sex was great. But there was this little voice in the back of my head saying awful things to me…about me! “Not good enough” “Fat” “Huge” “disgusting”. The self-doubt and total self-consciousness filled my head. I felt those awful things afterwards. Not because of having sex, but because I felt like my body wasn’t good enough. Like my looks and my weight were all that mattered in the equation and they felt not good enough to me.

I am fine now. That self-conscious feeling went away and I am back to my Fabulous self again, but what the hell? Why does that happen? How does that little voice in the back of our heads sneak in there when we least expect it to? When we are feeling great about ourselves, 100% confident and fabulous. I want to tell that sneaky little voice to shut the F*CK up.

What I have learned from this experience; I will have sex AGAIN because let’s be honest, I am never waiting 5 years to have sex ever again lol. The other thing is…I need to love myself MORE. I found out the hard way that I didn’t appreciate my body as much as I thought that I did. That is going to change.

As I have written before, I AM ENOUGH. I am MORE than enough. I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and sexy and the list goes on. I know that about myself. I just need to reconfirm my own self-image. To remind myself that I am an amazing woman with, or without, clothes on. 🙂

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A picture that I feel pretty in ❤

 

 

 

Plate Police Brutality: The Struggles of Eating in Public

I am re-blogging this from Sass and Balderdash. I just love her blog. But this specific post hit the nail right on the head. I know most women feel this way, I know that I certainly have on many occasions. I’ve actually had a friend not come to my daughter’s birthday party because she would be ‘too tempted’ to eat a slice of birthday cake. Its a slice of birthday cake! ITS NOT GOING TO KILL YOU! My opinion is…eat the damn cake…eat the brownie…eat the cookie. You only live once, and in this life I do not want to be deprived of ENJOYING those delicious tidbits.

Plate Police Brutality: The Struggles of Eating in Public

Last week there was a holiday fair at the office. Several coworkers – many who work in other departments and fall into the “name rings a bell” category – sold goods like knitwear or jewelry that they made by hand. It was actually pretty remarkable to glimpse the unseen passions and hidden talents of the many near-strangers I see only in passing during elevator rides or pilgrimages to the corners of the office where a birthday cake is rumored to be found. It was refreshing to remember that everyone’s lives are much richer than the eight hours we spend conjoined in cubicles each day. That our perception of the people we work with is a snapshot of who they are with a business casual filter applied. The fair itself was lovely, but the baking contest was a sad reminder of how tense eating can be, especially as a woman. When emails about the holiday fair were sent out a few months back the cynic in me expected low participation, but the spread for the bake off alone proved me wrong. There was a huge assortment of desserts anonymously labeled and arranged atop a long stretch of file cabinets just outside the […]

Source: Plate Police Brutality: The Struggles of Eating in Public

 

What A Week

67787Last week was rough! So rough in fact that I ended up taking the week off from the gym. I still ate the way I normally eat, but there were no workouts at all.

It started Monday when I fell and hurt myself. Not wanting to make my injury worse, I skipped Zumba for the first time since I started. I actually really missed it and CANNOT wait to go back tonight. But this started the ball rolling I feel.

The rest of the week was just an emotional mess; from a family pet being put down, to work sucking, to Christmas Concerts, to outragously high blood sugars (damn you diabetes). My nights were filled with tears, reminiscing, happiness, sadness, and cuddles on the couch. I really didnt care about hitting the gym or going for a walk or anything else. It was just a week that needed to be spent with family and not a week spent trying to fit workouts in around everything else that was going on.

Do I feel bad about missing an entire week of workouts? I guess I do a little bit. mainly because I don’t want to reverse the hard work that I have put in. But honestly, it does not bother me all that much. I am happy that I took the time to spend with family and friends. I am happy that I have those memories and that my daughter will look back and remember that mommy was there. Not just physically there, but 100% mentally there as well.

Today, I am looking forward to getting back to Zumba and shaking my ass like we normally do on a Monday night lol Who knows what the rest of this week will bring?

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Getting My CRAZY In Check

depression-quotes-goodreadsI am not to much of a beat around the bush type so I am going to come right out and say this..I suffer from depression. I have for the past 13+ years. If that makes me crazy, then so be it. This is a bit of my story of combat against my own demons.

It has been 11 years since I started taking medication to combat my depression, and almost 8 years since I have been on one specific med (the only one that I ever found to work). I haven’t felt depressed in years because of this medication but I was always scared and worried that I could fall back into depression at any time. A depression that does not make you feel sad but actually makes you feel nothing.

I have been there before. The beast that kills all emotions. Never happy, never sad, never proud, never scared, just numb. Always numb.

I used to lay in bed and stare at the wall. What was the point of getting up to do anything? It didn’t make me happy. It didn’t make me FEEL at all. Unless you have felt that black hole of nothing-ness yourself, there is no way to explain it so that someone who hasnt experienced it will understand. I was a zombie, moving about my days copying others expresions, copying their emotional responses imagesHKDVUQVZI remember, on several occasions the feeling of my cheeks aching from smiling with my friends. But I wasn’t smiling because I was having fun, I was smiling because everyone else was smiling and I knew that that was what I needed to do. In reality I was thinking the entire time ‘how much longer can I hold this smile, and fake this laugh, before they notice that I am a fraud”. .

A little over half a year ago I decided (with the advice and help of my doctor) that I would come off of my medications to see if my body still needed them. For me depression was so much more than just sadness and I was so scared to come off of the medication that regulated my emotions for so long.

I was scared but I knew that it was something I needed to try. I knew that if I didn’t I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I did it. I came off my medication and I am doing great. But that doesn’t mean that I am free of depression or its claws forever.

overcoming-depressionI can still feel it trying to get me to slip up every once in a while. Not too often but every now and again. I feel the anxiety, the irrational fears, the restlessness, the EXTREME irritibility, the complete lack of motivation to do anything. Those are my warning signs. The warning signs that tell me that I need to get my butt in gear to keep my head on straight and not fall back into that black hole of nothing-ness. 

Do you know what I do now, when I begin to feel those symptoms creeping up on me? I excersize. I walk, I run (even if for only a few minutes 🙂 ), I go to the gym, I lift weights, and I work my body hard until I dont feel the claws grasping at me anymore.

I know I’ve mentioned it before but for me, the gym isn’t just about GAINS or weight loss. The gym or excersize in general, for me, clears my head. It helps me to think straight and get my ‘CRAZY’ in check lol. When I am finished a good workout, I feel relaxed and fearless. I feel balanced and stable. I feel strong and motivated to keep doing good.

The fact that I actually feel those things though, that is the biggest accomplishment in my books.  Working out is NOT the only thing I do to keep my ‘Crazy’ in check. I have to make sure that I am also doing things for myself, eatting right (for the most part) and making sure that I am honest with myself, doing self-checks to make sure that my ‘Crazy’ is not slipping.

Today, I feel great. Today, even when I have my low moments I rise up. Today, I have my ‘Crazy’ in check.

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I chose this picture because it can be interpretted for so many different things. While it does speak to my personal recovery, I chose this picture because I am thinking about my friend today. He will know its for  him when he sees it.

 

 

 

 

 

I Am BEAUTIFUL and I KNOW It

8e60d5c61cce20c7a93746a71d3e1329I am writing this post because today a friend of mine told me that she hated her body. She felt invisible in her life because of her size. That she didn’t love the ‘body positivity’ movement that is happening right now because she didn’t feel like she had anything to feel positive about. She is just so unhappy. I hope she doesn’t mind that I am writing a blog about this, but I feel like I need to. You are not alone in this girlfriend!

For me, I have always been the ‘Big’ girl in the group. I know what it feels like to be invisible, to not love my body or myself.  I suffered from depression for most of my teens into my early to mid twenties. I had no self-confidence, low self-esteem and an awful idea of what my body ‘should’ look like.

When I heard my friend say these things, I was stunned. Honestly, I cried. My heart broke. I realized that the reason I was so upset was because I knew EXACTLY how she felt. I hate to say that I used to feel the exact same as my friend and I hate to hear another woman feeling that way. While I do not love the way my body looks all the time (most of the time) I do love myself no matter what size I am.ellenquote

I am beautiful and I know it. I never used to think that. I used to think that I was ugly. But now, I KNOW that I am beautiful.  When I say “I am beautiful” I’m not ONLY talking about my body, or my face, or my hair (although, on most days I do love those things about myself now). I’m talking about the spunk and positivity that I have.  The love that I have, and show, for other people and for myself. True beauty is about having confidence in your self no matter what. To be comfortable with your self and accepting of your self.

I talk about beauty because I felt invisible for so long and then once I had my daughter I stopped giving a shit about if people ‘saw’ me or not. I started doing things for myself; I started dressing the way I wanted to dress and I accepted my body as is. With all of its rolls and stretch marks and ‘jiggly bits’. Accepting the fact that I was fat, and yes I knew I still had to lose weight, but accepting the fact that I was fat and couldn’t change it right this second made me a more confident woman. When I stopped giving a shit, and started taking care of myself, making time for myself (mind body and soul) I became a much happier person. And you know what happened after I did that? People saw me…and they didn’t just see the physical part of me, but they saw the PERSON, the beautiful WOMAN that I am. And I was ok with that.

I know that I am here, talking about my weight LOSS journey. And I know that it sounds hypocritical to say that I love myself or my body but I want to change it. But I also know that if I didn’t choose to live in the light every day, no matter what SIZE I am, that I would not be the person that I am today.

I still have my doubts and negative thoughts about myself and my body (you can read that in past blog posts lol) and I don’t think that will ever fully go away. Everyone has those doubts and thoughts once in a while. I just choose to live happily and love myself despite that. I hope that you (my friend, and anyone else reading this) can start to see the light in your life and not just the dark.

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

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Lower Focus DONE!

I am in a pretty great mood today. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, 2 pounds have found their way off of my body!…Wait what?

Thats right, I am officially down 2 pounds. Some more not see this as a great weight loss but for me, being a diabetic and the effort that it takes to loose any weight, this is a huge weight loss.  It has brought me that much closer to my first goal of being under 220 pounds. My current weight is 222 pounds so that means I only have 2 more pounds to loose to reach that goal. In total I am down 8 pounds since December!

My workouts, at least the cardio, are getting easier. Well not necessarily easier but I have better balance and can hold positions longer and don’t get AS winded (but still pretty fricken winded).

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Breaky! Oikos vanilla greek yogurt, with berries and some mixed nuts. Yummy ❤

Ive brought lunch with me every day (except Fridays) for the past 3 weeks. On Sundays I make a big batch of whatever it is that I have decided to bring for lunch that week. This week I brought The Biggest Loser Chicken Cacciatore with the Wild Rice Blend that I love

Im feeling pretty good about the path that I have chosen and how I am doing following the path so far. Of course there are and will always be bumps in the road but that is all apart of the journey.

Go out and make a great life for yourself. After all, its the only one you have. 🙂

It’s A New Dawn, It’s A New Day, It’s A New Life…and I’m Feeling Good!

I cannot believe how great I feel today. I have energy and motivation to get my work done. I feel like I could go for a run right now and it is only 9 in the morning. This is unheard of for me, ESPECIALLY on a Monday morning.

This weekend was busy and full of running around to get ready for the baby showers and parties that are coming up in the next few weeks. I still managed to get some workouts done, eat healthy, and stay within, or even under, my calorie goals. SWEET! I still allow myself to eat regularly (yes I had leftover Pizza for breakfast one day and I had sausages for dinner one day) I just make sure to be completely honest with myself when putting these foods into my calorie counter. Its working pretty well so far 🙂

On Saturday I made a stupid move. I ate right before my workout. This was a HUGE mistake. We decided to do T25 Ab Intervals that night as well. I only got about 10 minutes into it and had to stop. My stomach was killing me, I felt weak, shaky, and very nauseous. Those supermans were my undoing; laying on my stomach, on the floor, lifting my arms and legs up. Well, needless to say, I threw up about 20 minutes later. 😦 Blech. Lesson learned? Never again will I eat right before a workout.

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Sunday’s Sweaty Selfie ❤

Tonight (Sunday) we did Cardio. I DID NOT eat for about two hours before and I was good to go. I made it through the entire workout and felt amazing afterwards. I still have trouble doing all of those squats though. My legs just want to give out! One of my new goals is to make it through an entire T25 Cardio or Speed workout without having to take any amount of breaks while doing squats! I think at the rate I am going that this will be a very manageable goal.

Our 30 day Beach Body Challenge is just about up. My next challenge will begin soon; T25 Focus 10 week program! I am so glad that I started this journey. Starting really is the hardest part! Now I need it. I am craving it! Its crazy really, but I know that this is still just the beginning to the rest of my life.

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, and I’m FEELING GOOD!

Cardio Killer and Birthday Celebrations :)

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 27 :o.

Festivities began on Friday when the guys (and Janice) from work brought me out for a drink. When I say a drink, I mean literally 1 drink (I had to drive home afterwards you know). But really, I love these guys. They are what helps make my work day bearable. One of the guys who no longer works with us even came out to wish me a Happy Birthday. This is the only part of my job that I absolutely love, the people that I work with. I don’t think I would be able to get through an entire week of work without them, or I would go crazy.

I knew I had to work out Friday because the rest of the weekend was going to be filled with rest days and over indulging. Once I got home, I was antsy. I knew that feeling. Its the feeling that wpid-20150410_225059.jpgI’d been waiting for, for the past few weeks. The feeling of needing to move my body. The need to sweat and feel the exhaustion in my muscles. The feeling and need to work out. FINALLY!

As soon as my daughter was in bed I went to work. I was still sore from the other workouts that had been done throughout the week so anything with planks or generally getting on the floor were out of the question. I went with the T25 Cardio. I chose the T25 Cardio because it pushes you to work harder, it makes you sweat like crazy and I just love this workout.

I did mostly all modified but I was able to do SOME of the moves un-modified, which is a change from last week. I sweat my butt off and when I was finished, I felt amazing.

Saturday and Sunday were our ‘rest’ days, although I did not get a whole lot of rest they were still pretty great.. Saturday consisted of baking cupcakes for nephew’s 1st birthday party, going to get my nails done with my daughter, getting ready and dancing the night away with some of the most amazing ladies in my life ❤ Sunday consisted of decorating said cupcakes for nephews birthday and setting up/going to nephew’s birthday party!! YAY!

All in all, it was a great weekend and I got a great workout in there too.

My Birthday Buddy <3
My Birthday Buddy ❤
Happy Birthday To Me :D
Happy Birthday To Me 😀