Confidence Is Key

Self Confidence

Who would have thought, over a year ago, I would feel this good?

It is crazy to believe that when I started this journey I actually felt like crap. Physically and mentally.

A year ago I was always down on myself. I felt ugly and fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like none of my clothes fit properly and that everyone judged me on how big I was. I was SUPER quiet and introverted when out without my best friends. I couldn’t make it up the stairs at work without getting out of breath. My blood sugars were out of control! I really felt like I was going nowhere in this life of mine.

It is crazy what a year and a half can do. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel great, physically. I actually take selfies and LOVE the way I look. I know its not all about how I look but in all reality, the way I felt about my body totally brought me down. Not saying that I don’t still have those days, everyone does, but they are fewer and farther between. I rely on my girlfriends, in those low times, to help me remember where I have been and where I am going.

What really made me want to write this post was my Zumba class. Zumba is fast paced and you are constantly moving. Shaking your hips, squatting, skipping, jumping, among other things. It is hard but it is SO FUN. When I first started this class I could barely make it through. I did a totally modified version because the jumping and fast paced moves seemed totally impossible. At that time, they were impossible. It HURT to jump, it hurt to do a million calf raise dances, and it sucked! I could not get my body to do what I wanted.

Anyways, in time (AKA a year and a half later), I have built up my stamina, my strength and my stability. I’ve been able to make it through classes without needing to sit out for half of the songs. I am now able to make it through all of the songs in a class and put WAY MORE effort into them. I have even been able to do a lot of the jumping moves that I thought would always be impossible. I still cannot do all of the jumping for the whole class. I still sometimes take 1 song to sit out if I am absolutely winded. I still slack sometimes when I feel like crap. But all of those things are ok because I know that I CAN do it. I AM doing it.

You need to know that the key to a successful fitness journey is not being able to workout hard and for long periods of time. It is not going to the gym and being able to run for an hour on the treadmill or lift 50lb weights or complete an ENTIRE Zumba class. The key to a successful fitness journey is to begin. Begin and keep going no matter how little you can do at first. When I first started with T25 I could only do about 15 minutes before I felt like I wanted to puke. So I did as much as I could and then I stopped and I didn’t feel bad about it because I did SOMETHING.

Just start with something little. Go for a walk, do a 10 minute workout from you tube, take as many breaks as you need to but keep going!

I may not be anywhere near where I want to be. I am not yet be close to my long term goals. I have had set backs but I keep on going and one day I will get there!

This is my Journey ❤

 

Meal Prep Monday- Our New Breakfast FAVE!

 

 

 

Our new breakfast favourite

I know that I have already posted many breakfast recipes but I just cant help it! Breakfast is my absolute favourite, especially when it is something warm and flavourful. MMM.

So I have a new breakfast favourite and wouldn’t you know it…my daughter LOVES them too. Like refuses to eat anything else (I think I may have created a breakfast monster).

Instead of just plain hard boiled eggs or even egg muffins or peanut butter melba toast that I have been eating previously, I decided to make Lentil and Egg Breakfast Burritos. They are SO versatile, can be made with healthy alternatives and WHO doesn’t love a burrito of any kind?? The lentils add the extra protein that you need and will keep you full and it covers that craving for meat and that I get at breakfast time.

Another reason that I love these Breakfast Burritos is that you can freeze them! This makes it easy to grab them out of the freezer the night before and they are ready for you in the morning. Grab N Go! I made a big batch so we are good to go all week, into next week.

I have made them twice now and I will include both variations just for an idea of how to change it up!

Ingredients:

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This is only about 1/4 of the burrito left after I started eating it lol

 

  • 8 12” Tortillas OR 12 6” tortillas (I used whole wheat)
  • 10 eggs
  • 1tsp oregano
  • 1 red bell pepper, chopped small
  • 1 onion, chopped small
  • 1 zucchinni, chopped small
  • 1 cup lentils uncooked or about 2 cups lentils cooked
  • 1tsp Olive oil
  • S&P to taste

Directions:

  1. Cook 1 cup of lentils (follow package directions) or use canned.
  2. Let lentils cool.
  3. Heat olive oil in a non-stick frying pan over medium high heat.
  4. Cook onion until starting to turn translucent, about 3 minutes.
  5. Add your pepper and zucchini and cook until soft, about 5 minutes (this is where you could use your variations).
  6. While your veggies cook, scramble your eggs and oregano. Normally you would add water or milk to scramble eggs but I don’t because I find it gets too watery when you re-heat your burrito later.
  7. Once veggies are cooked, add in your scrambled eggs AND lentils
  8. Scramble until eggs are cooked through. I sometimes will use a lid if the eggs are not cooking as quickly as I would like.
  9. Once everything is finished cooking let it all cool. Shred your cheese while you wait.

Building Your Burritos

  1. Lay out your tortillas
  2. Place about 3-4 rounded table spoons of egg mixture onto the tortilla
  3. Add a pinch of cheese
  4. Roll them up. I use the fold two sides in, then fold down the top and fold the bottom up. But whatever works best for you so that all of your ‘stuff’ stays INSIDE the burrito.
  5. Wrap them with saran wrap and either put them in the fridge or (if you won’t be eating them all right away) put them ALL in a Ziploc freezer bag and put them in the freezer.
  6. Take a frozen burrito out the day before you want it or you can heat from frozen. I usually do about 30 seconds per side for my thawed burritos, add an extra 30ish seconds for a frozen one!

Variations I have used besides this recipe include: red peppers and mushrooms with cheddar and feta cheese, spinach and mushroom with mozzarella cheese. Throw in whatever veggies you love to eat and I am sure it will be good!

Let me know if you try this and what you think. Or if you have any tried and true meal prep recipes that can be FROZEN let me know that too!

ADHD Life-A bad day

This is an older post that I wrote on a bad day. At the time I had decided not to post it because…*what would people think?!* But if you have read my blog, then you know that I try to be honest…sometimes to a fault.

I am going to post this today because well, I cannot be the only mother who has ever felt this way at one time or another.  This is not a constant feeling, it was just a feeling in the moment. This does not make me a bad mom, it makes me a REAL mom. A real PERSON.

A Bad Day

As I sit at the dinner table all by myself, tears falling into my untouched plate of food, I wonder if anyone else has ever had a moment where they hate their child?

It sounds so awful. I cried just thinking it. But I have had moments, like right now, where I have hated my daughter.

Maybe it is not hate towards her, maybe it is hate towards the life that we live or the way that we have to behave or the uncontrollable screaming and name calling that is coming from the other room.

It only lasts a few minutes. I should be able to handle it. But when your child is calling you an awful mother, screaming it at you with such venom, saying they don’t want to live because you are so awful, over and over, it is hard to keep your composure.

When we have a good day, it is SO GOOD. When we have a bad day, it is SO BAD. Sometimes it only affects the time that the ‘BAD’ takes place but a lot of time it puts tension on the entire day and it is so hard to shake it off.

Patience mommies…patience. It will get better.

-3rd Generation Mommy

I Ate a Cookie for Breakfast Because Adulting Is Hard

I ate a cookie for breakfast because adulting is hard.

Well folks, I have been adulting for some time now (about 9 years to be exact) and it’s really NOT all it’s cracked up to be. Actually it totally sucks if I am being honest.

Ahh the memories of when life was easy. Not a care in the world. I didn’t have someone else to think about or take care of. It was all about me! Sometimes I wish I could just have a day with no responsibilities. Be able to lay on the couch and watch the new line up of T.G.I.F. and not hear ‘mom could you get me a drink’ or feel the nagging of the dreaded TO DO LIST in the back of my brain. I’d love to be able to eat a pizza and ice cream and not have to worry about it going straight to my ASS or affecting my blood sugar. I would love to get up in the morning and get MYSELF ready and all dolled up and not be worrying about packing lunches and brushing little people’s hair and the melt downs that will come when *God Forbid* you cannot find the shoes that match her shirt!!

Adulting sucks. Along with adulting (at least for me) comes meal prepping  and this past weekend was a shit show of meal prepping madness. While having a chat with a girlfriend of mine I made the comment that meal prepping sucked. Her response? BLOG ABOUT IT! KEEP IT REAL! So that’s what I am doing.

Meal prepping SUCKS. Don’t get me wrong, I love the after effects of a good meal prep; the grab and go lunches, no time spent during the week getting things cut or put together. But that is not to say that meal prepping is easy. It is expensive and time consuming. As a single mom I try to spend most of my free time (which is not very much) with my daughter. Especially doing exciting things or going on special outings on the weekend. This does not leave a whole lot of time to get my grocery shopping AND a full meal prep done. Not to mention how bloody expensive healthy food costs! It is insane.

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This is WAY better than meal prepping ❤            Corn mazes in the rain ❤

This weekend was no exception. Its fall and with that comes a fun family outing of going apple picking and walking through corn mazes and haunted houses. With all the fun comes the dreaded ‘responsibility’ *blech!*. I know balance is key but honestly its hard. Grocery shopping, cooking 3 separate meals (2 meal preps and 1 dinner for the fam jam), and then chopping veggies and fruit and putting everything together…IT TAKES HOURS.

 

*GASP* ‘You mean to tell me that you can’t take a few hours out of a Sunday afternoon to meal prep?’ *GASP*

Obviously I CAN and I DID, but that doesn’t mean I can’t bitch about it in the process lol And do you know what all that meal prepping got me? It got me forgetting my healthy breakfast burrito at home and eating a damn chocolate chip cookie in its place! And you know what? FUCK IT. I don’t even care because I love me some chocolate chip cookies for breakfast LOL

Chocolate chip cookies and coffee? There is NO BETTER PAIR. YUMMO!

I will post my ACTUAL meal prep recipes soon because well..they are the BOMB-DOT-COM. But for now…this is your safe place! Please feel free to bitch or share (as the adults call it) about your meal prep, workout, or adulting stories/dilemmas/issues/likes/dislikes. Have at it! Let me hear it!

Step Goals-EPIC FAIL

 Alright I am just going to be honest here. I have NOT been achieving my goals this week.

I am definitely getting more steps each day than I have been previously but not getting anywhere near my 10,000 step goal. I am telling you because I thought I needed to be honest with myself. I thought I needed to be honest with YOU (whoever actually reads this).

This shit is hard.

I walked at lunch the first 2 days of this week and I STILL hurt. My thighs and calves KILL. Which is awful because, while we did go at a very fast pace, we only went for 30 minutes each time! My muscles should NOT get this tired this quickly. Cant even believe it.

I have walked 2 out of 4 days at lunch. Appointments kept me from getting those other two lunch time walking dates in. By the time I get home its dinner, laundry, lunches, kid in bed and then I am exhausted and go to bed. I literally fell asleep IN my daughter’s bed with her last night at 9PM. I am one tired momma!

Trying to get up more often from my desk and move around is also proving difficult in my line of work. Fielding calls every few minutes, inbetween the constant berating of emails and meetings. It gets crazy! I know…I need to just get it done! I need to just make it a point to get up and go for a 5 minute walk EVERY HOUR. I need to stop making excuses.

I am planning on getting my goals for the rest of the week. Tonight (Thursday) we are headed to the fair which requires TONS of walking, same with tomorrow. Saturday we are walking and DANCING in a parade which will be 5K+ so I will definitely get my 10,000 steps in that day. Sunday is grocery shopping and meal prepping so who knows if I will actually hit my 10,000 step goal but I will be trying!

I am not giving up! I need this routine in my life. Maybe then I will feel that drive to work out that I have missed so much. As for right now…I still don’t feel it L That’s one thing that I really do miss. That CRAVE you get to sweat and breathe heavy…I need to feel that want and I need to feel it now!

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Me after my first 30 minute walk during lunch. My legs didnt hurt then but they do now!

 

 

Plate Police Brutality: The Struggles of Eating in Public

I am re-blogging this from Sass and Balderdash. I just love her blog. But this specific post hit the nail right on the head. I know most women feel this way, I know that I certainly have on many occasions. I’ve actually had a friend not come to my daughter’s birthday party because she would be ‘too tempted’ to eat a slice of birthday cake. Its a slice of birthday cake! ITS NOT GOING TO KILL YOU! My opinion is…eat the damn cake…eat the brownie…eat the cookie. You only live once, and in this life I do not want to be deprived of ENJOYING those delicious tidbits.

Plate Police Brutality: The Struggles of Eating in Public

Last week there was a holiday fair at the office. Several coworkers – many who work in other departments and fall into the “name rings a bell” category – sold goods like knitwear or jewelry that they made by hand. It was actually pretty remarkable to glimpse the unseen passions and hidden talents of the many near-strangers I see only in passing during elevator rides or pilgrimages to the corners of the office where a birthday cake is rumored to be found. It was refreshing to remember that everyone’s lives are much richer than the eight hours we spend conjoined in cubicles each day. That our perception of the people we work with is a snapshot of who they are with a business casual filter applied. The fair itself was lovely, but the baking contest was a sad reminder of how tense eating can be, especially as a woman. When emails about the holiday fair were sent out a few months back the cynic in me expected low participation, but the spread for the bake off alone proved me wrong. There was a huge assortment of desserts anonymously labeled and arranged atop a long stretch of file cabinets just outside the […]

Source: Plate Police Brutality: The Struggles of Eating in Public

 

Meal Prep Monday- November 23rd

This past weekend was crazy! So much to do, so little time to meal prep!

Saturday was spent with my beautiful girl ❤ We spent the afternoon Christmas shopping, went out for dinner just the two of us and spent the snowy evening at the theatre! The Little Mermaid (LIVE!) was quite amazing, and she was beyond ecstatic. Mommy + daughter days are our absolute favourite days ❤
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I got an hour Sunday morning to get some of my Turkey Meat Balls made! Woo Hoo! They are amazing to make and freeze for the days that you don’t have a meal prepared, or your family is eating something awful for dinner, or even just as a high protein snack after the gym.

Sunday afternoon was spent grocery shopping for the week and enjoying my niece’s 7th birthday with the FAM. We did not get home until late (8pm for my daughter is late lol). I really was in no mood to prepare my lunches for the week, but I put her to bed and got down to work.

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

This week I stuck to my usual breakfast of toast with avocado. It hasn’t gotten old yet! Plus, I got a great deal on avocados at the grocery store :).

For lunch I made something new, that I haven’t tried before. Baked Sweet Potato and Avocado Hash. I made an extra so that I could try it last night and let me tell you, it is yummy! I will post a recipe for this later on in the week.

For my snacks I have my usual apple, mixed veggies but I also picked up some rice cakes. I haven’t eaten a rice cake in YEARS so I am hoping that with a little peanut butter on top I will still like them lol

Well here it is. My Meal Prep for the week. Keep in mind that this only includes what I eat during the day. It does not include my dinner or if I have a snack after my workout of choice. Those are usually not planned (I need to start doing that) and might consist of a piece of whole grain bread with peanut butter or a Nutrigrain bar or something of that sort.

Breakfast: 330 calories, 40 carbohydrates

  • 2 12-grain toast
  • 1/2 avocado

Lunch:  320 calories, 30 carbohydrates

  • Baked Sweet Potato and Avocado Hash
    • (It is literally 1 sweet potato, 1/2 an avocado, and 1 fried (or poached) egg on top!)

Snacks: I usually have 2. I almost always eat my veggies plus one of the higher calorie snacks.

  • 1/2 Cucumber, 1 stick of celery 12 calories, 0 carbohydrates
  • 1 rice cake with 1 tsp of Kraft Smooth peanut butter 80 calories, 10 carbohydrates
  • Apple 60 calories, 18 carbohydrates

Did you meal prep this week? What are you eating? What is on your menu tonight?

Getting My CRAZY In Check

depression-quotes-goodreadsI am not to much of a beat around the bush type so I am going to come right out and say this..I suffer from depression. I have for the past 13+ years. If that makes me crazy, then so be it. This is a bit of my story of combat against my own demons.

It has been 11 years since I started taking medication to combat my depression, and almost 8 years since I have been on one specific med (the only one that I ever found to work). I haven’t felt depressed in years because of this medication but I was always scared and worried that I could fall back into depression at any time. A depression that does not make you feel sad but actually makes you feel nothing.

I have been there before. The beast that kills all emotions. Never happy, never sad, never proud, never scared, just numb. Always numb.

I used to lay in bed and stare at the wall. What was the point of getting up to do anything? It didn’t make me happy. It didn’t make me FEEL at all. Unless you have felt that black hole of nothing-ness yourself, there is no way to explain it so that someone who hasnt experienced it will understand. I was a zombie, moving about my days copying others expresions, copying their emotional responses imagesHKDVUQVZI remember, on several occasions the feeling of my cheeks aching from smiling with my friends. But I wasn’t smiling because I was having fun, I was smiling because everyone else was smiling and I knew that that was what I needed to do. In reality I was thinking the entire time ‘how much longer can I hold this smile, and fake this laugh, before they notice that I am a fraud”. .

A little over half a year ago I decided (with the advice and help of my doctor) that I would come off of my medications to see if my body still needed them. For me depression was so much more than just sadness and I was so scared to come off of the medication that regulated my emotions for so long.

I was scared but I knew that it was something I needed to try. I knew that if I didn’t I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I did it. I came off my medication and I am doing great. But that doesn’t mean that I am free of depression or its claws forever.

overcoming-depressionI can still feel it trying to get me to slip up every once in a while. Not too often but every now and again. I feel the anxiety, the irrational fears, the restlessness, the EXTREME irritibility, the complete lack of motivation to do anything. Those are my warning signs. The warning signs that tell me that I need to get my butt in gear to keep my head on straight and not fall back into that black hole of nothing-ness. 

Do you know what I do now, when I begin to feel those symptoms creeping up on me? I excersize. I walk, I run (even if for only a few minutes 🙂 ), I go to the gym, I lift weights, and I work my body hard until I dont feel the claws grasping at me anymore.

I know I’ve mentioned it before but for me, the gym isn’t just about GAINS or weight loss. The gym or excersize in general, for me, clears my head. It helps me to think straight and get my ‘CRAZY’ in check lol. When I am finished a good workout, I feel relaxed and fearless. I feel balanced and stable. I feel strong and motivated to keep doing good.

The fact that I actually feel those things though, that is the biggest accomplishment in my books.  Working out is NOT the only thing I do to keep my ‘Crazy’ in check. I have to make sure that I am also doing things for myself, eatting right (for the most part) and making sure that I am honest with myself, doing self-checks to make sure that my ‘Crazy’ is not slipping.

Today, I feel great. Today, even when I have my low moments I rise up. Today, I have my ‘Crazy’ in check.

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I chose this picture because it can be interpretted for so many different things. While it does speak to my personal recovery, I chose this picture because I am thinking about my friend today. He will know its for  him when he sees it.

 

 

 

 

 

I AM IN

I AM IN.

Those are the three words that have started the ball rolling in the game that will save my life.

Confused? I bet you are. But for me this is the first time I am seeing with clarity.

I am fat. Actually I believe the technical term is ‘Obese’ or even ‘Morbidly Obese’. I am 5′ 7″ and weigh 230 lbs. I have approximately 70 pounds to loose to be at the top of what a doctor considers a ‘healthy weight’ for me.

I am a confidant beautiful woman, do not get me wrong. I am happy with my life. I have an amazing family, great group of friends, and a crazy little girl who has stolen my heart. But I want more. I feel like I deserve more in this life than I am letting myself experience. That I am ABLE to experience because of how heavy I am.

I AM IN.

I AM IN is what I had to say to get in on a 30 day beach body challenge that my coach was offering, for free, to a select few.  The challenge starts Monday and I am terrified.

I am terrified but I am ready! I am ready to take back control of my life. I am ready to work my ass off (or my stomach to be more exact) and get healthy. I know that there is a long road of blood, sweat, and tears ahead of me. I know that it is going to be unbearably difficult and at times I am going to want to give up. But I am done with this life. I am done with saying no to playing with my daughter because I am to tired. Done with getting winded running up a few flights of stairs. Done making excuses.

This is me and….

I AM IN!