I fell in love with this blog post. Everyone can relate to it. I know that I have had a time or two where I order my favourite thing on the menu (or an extra item because I love it so much) while out with people who are supposed to be your friends. The second you do, you get that look :0 like ‘are you seriously ordering that right now’, or they come right out and say it ‘do you really think you need the LARGE fry?’. My response? Yes I fucking do and no I will not fucking share. BAHAHA
Anyways, take a read. Its my new fave post ❤
Let me describe a situation we’ve all experienced. You’re with a friend, feeling confident enough to expose the ugliest, most-likely-to-go-viral-and-humiliate-you aspects of your life, and you find yourself wading into a story that includes a depraved episode of gluttony. Maybe you bought a tub of sour cream and ate it alone by the spoonful while watching…
Finally some good news… I hit my 10,000 step goal 3 days in a row this weekend. I even surpassed it on Saturday getting in a whopping 13,266 steps! WOOHOO
Now to get real. Talking to a girlfriend yesterday I told her that I felt like 10,000 steps is really unrealistic for me. It will take me hours after work to get these steps in…hours that I honestly do not have at the moment. So she suggested maybe a smaller goal to start off with instead of such a big one that I don’t feel great about. So that is exactly what I am going to do. I will start a little smaller and once I am hitting that goal on a regular basis THEN I will up the goal again until I reach the final goal of 10,000 steps. Does that make sense?
Trying to hit that 10,000 step goal has stressed me out every day and made me feel like a failure. And feeling like a failure is not something I do well.
On a normal day I reach an average of 4,000-5,000 (at the MOST) steps. I am changing my goal to 6,000 steps every day this week. I think that this is a little more realistic for me and hopefully will help me to accomplish something and start getting back into the grind. I need to be doing things that make me food GOOD about myself and not think negatively. I definitely think this will push me in the right direction. Plus..the turtle won the race didn’t he? Lol
I did get back on the Meal Prepping wagon this week and killed it with my lunches and snacks. I also got all the meal prepping done for my daughter’s lunches too, as she heads back to school on her first day of Grade 4 this morning. My meal prep included lower carb and higher protein lunches and breakfasts but I will do another post on that soon!
I also joined a new challenge group! If you have read my blog before, then you know how much I love a good challenge group :D. This challenge group is a bit different than the others though. It’s different because while it is a fitness based challenge group, it is aactually a group that is only for diabetics. Specifically Type 1 Diabetics like ME!
This is amazing because there are NO other groups like this. It is focused on helping you figure out how your body and blood sugars react to certain workouts and how to deal with them so that you can complete a really GOOD workout without worrying as much about blood sugar crashes or spikes. They post workouts 3 days a week and have really great healthy recipes that I will definitely be trying. They have diabetes related challenges every day as well.
I am feeling really excited about this, as well as conquering my meal prep this week, so I would say that I am on the road to success! Even if that road has a few bumps or turns that I have to navigate.
We got to have a little fun this long weekend as well. Spent some time riding all the crazy rides at our hometown fair ❤ She loves her carnival rides…me? not so much lol
Alright I am just going to be honest here. I have NOT been achieving my goals this week.
I am definitely getting more steps each day than I have been previously but not getting anywhere near my 10,000 step goal. I am telling you because I thought I needed to be honest with myself. I thought I needed to be honest with YOU (whoever actually reads this).
This shit is hard.
I walked at lunch the first 2 days of this week and I STILL hurt. My thighs and calves KILL. Which is awful because, while we did go at a very fast pace, we only went for 30 minutes each time! My muscles should NOT get this tired this quickly. Cant even believe it.
I have walked 2 out of 4 days at lunch. Appointments kept me from getting those other two lunch time walking dates in. By the time I get home its dinner, laundry, lunches, kid in bed and then I am exhausted and go to bed. I literally fell asleep IN my daughter’s bed with her last night at 9PM. I am one tired momma!
Trying to get up more often from my desk and move around is also proving difficult in my line of work. Fielding calls every few minutes, inbetween the constant berating of emails and meetings. It gets crazy! I know…I need to just get it done! I need to just make it a point to get up and go for a 5 minute walk EVERY HOUR. I need to stop making excuses.
I am planning on getting my goals for the rest of the week. Tonight (Thursday) we are headed to the fair which requires TONS of walking, same with tomorrow. Saturday we are walking and DANCING in a parade which will be 5K+ so I will definitely get my 10,000 steps in that day. Sunday is grocery shopping and meal prepping so who knows if I will actually hit my 10,000 step goal but I will be trying!
I am not giving up! I need this routine in my life. Maybe then I will feel that drive to work out that I have missed so much. As for right now…I still don’t feel it L That’s one thing that I really do miss. That CRAVE you get to sweat and breathe heavy…I need to feel that want and I need to feel it now!
We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I am a savoury kind of girl so I love bacon and eggs. Or an omelette with sausage and mushrooms.
I was never one for breakfast. Even being diabetic I would adjust my insulin so that I didn’t have to eat it. It made my stomach hurt or feel sick if I ate but, knowing how important breakfast was, I tried to find a way to eat it anyways. What I realized was that if I wait until about 2 hours after I wake up, I can eat and not feel crappy and I am full for most of the morning.
Now I find that, without breakfast, I don’t have the fuel to get through the first half of the day. OR if I eat CRAP for breakfast I am starving before lunch is even close to being a possibility. By 10am I will be hungry and craving something like nobody’s business!
My solution for the past few months has been this:
Greek Yogurt Parfait
½ cup Vanilla Oikos greek yogurt
1 tbs Vanilla protein powder
½ cup Welch’s frozen strawberry/blueberry mix
¼ cup Oats and Honey, Nature Valley Protein Granola
Mix the yogurt and the protein powder together FIRST. Once smooth, add in the rest of the ingredients. Also, you can use any frozen OR fresh fruit that you like.
Don’t get me wrong, its actually REALLY good. Its packed FULL of protein, low in carbs (35 in total), and low in calories. It keeps me full ALL morning and I don’t even contemplate snacking. The issue that I have started to find with this is…someone can only eat Greek yogurt SO MANY days in a row before they get sick of it! I am totally Greek yogurt’d out!
Being so sick of this Greek yogurt breakfast I have been having, I decided to change it up. For me, breakfast has to be something I can either grab and go or can be put together at my desk. That being said I went ahead and made THIS:
Zucchini and Leek Frittata with Bacon
8 eggs scrambled(I ate this for 3 separate meals)
1 small zucchini
1 small leek
3 strips of bacon, already cooked
Cook up the zucchini in a frying pan with a little bit of EVOO. Once the zucchini is browned a bit, throw in the leek and cook for another minute. Once the leek has started to get really fragrant, throw in the cooked bacon and then the scrambled eggs. I like to scrape the bottom of the pan a bit when the eggs first get in there. This makes sure that the eggs cook a little more even. Throw the whole thing in the oven on 350F, or even just a LOW broil, until the top of the eggs have set.
My daughter and I both had a bit for snack the night that I made it, and they served as my breakfast for 2 days with melba toasts on the side. I separated them into separate containers and just tossed them into the microwave for a minute or two when I was ready to eat them. They were SO good and totally helped by giving me a healthy break from my usual breakfast and giving me that savouriness that I crave!
So, what do you eat for breakfast? Do you have any awesome breakfast meal prep recipes? I NEED MORE. Leave me a comment and let me know!
My summer, so far, has been really wonderful. I work a lot and I don’t get to spend as much time with my daughter as I would like to. So we carved out special time to go on a few vacations. One being our very first time going on a trip ALONE, just the two of us.
For our Mother-Daughter trip we decided to go to Toronto. Only a few (4) hours away from home, but we had been talking about this trip for close to 2 years. All of the fun attractions we would get to go to, the amazing sights we would see, and of course all of the shopping that we would do. And trust me…we did them ALL! Going into it I was really nervous about how my daughter would react to the noise and total chaos that is Toronto (remember her issues with change in setting etc). Honestly though, I was totally surprised by her grown up attitude and the fact that she literally had ZERO break downs the entire trip. Sadly, I cannot say the same for myself lol
We had a lot of firsts (for both of us) on this trip. First time travelling alone, first time going to the CN Tower!! (WHAT?), first time riding the subway, first time at the aquarium. It was all amazing and we got to do all of these firsts together!
Our first day was The CN Tower and Ripley’s Aquarium. This was honestly the day that I worried about Brook’s reactions the most because we were taking the subway, there would be a ton of walking and it would be super busy, and I just didn’t know what to expect. Brook’s reaction was not the one to worry about though because she did amazing, staying calm and keeping it together. I, on the other hand, did not keep it together. Before we left the hotel I
had a panic attack. We almost didn’t go out. But after talking to my cousin (he lives in Toronto and gave me some direction) I got my bearings and we headed out. It was all about me not being able to take full control of our surroundings but my daughter and I empowered ourselves that day and it felt incredible.
We ended up having the MOST amazing day that day. It was actually my favourite day of the entire trip. Brook’s reaction to seeing the CN Tower was priceless. And the endless fish tanks at the aquarium, with a million different things to learn about, had us busy for a few hours.
We spent the next day at The Ontario Science Centre. It took us 5 hours and about 12,000 steps to get through it but we honestly loved every second of it. They had a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not exhibit that was pretty impressive and my daughter is all about science and experiments so it was the perfect place to spend the day.
The third day was spent shopping. We found out before leaving for Toronto that it has one of the only American Girl Doll stores in Canada. Well my daughter is ALL about AG. Obsessed! So this was an obvious stop on our trip and I set money aside just for this moment. The excitement that radiated from her all the way there and then the smile that was PLASTERED on her face from the moment we saw that iconic red sign until she fell asleep that night. Lets just say these moments will be something we both hold onto for years to come.
Our entire trip I reminded myself (and my daughter) that we were here to have fun. There was no rushing aloud. We decided that if we didn’t make it to a certain place one day, we would just go the next day. We took our time getting to and from each place, exploring everything along the way and just taking in the scenery! Taking time to ‘smell the roses’ if you will.
Our trip together was part of building our Mother-Daughter bond. It was quite amazing learning things about my daughter that I didn’t know before. Seeing how much of a young lady she is becoming before my eyes. Seeing how strong she really is. Seeing how she struggles but is learning to manage her emotions and reactions that come with the territory. I am happy to report that the trip was eye-opening and definitely brought us closer together.
As for the rest of the trip I will let the pictures speak for themselves 🙂
Canadian road trips always start with Timmies.
Our first subway ride #UnionStation
Using the SkyWalk or PATH to get to the CN Tower
CN Tower fun
SHARK SELFIE (check out the background)
Petting the sting rays. She waiting the whole day to do this.
As you know I am a Type 1 Diabetic. This means that I am a T1 Superhero.
I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 6. Being 28 now, I have lived with diabetes for 22 years. That is basically my entire life. If that is not a superpower then I do not know what is!
Living with diabetes is hard. They joke that having T1 is a full time job and basically it is. It takes hours apon hours every week to manage (14+hours).
Its hard and sometimes it totally sucks, if I am being honest. But we do it because if we don’t, we die. There is no other option. There is no cure or magic ‘diet’ to help us. We need to find a cure and we need to find it now!
I will be participating in the 5km JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes on June 12, 2016! My goal is to raise $250 by that date and I could really use my Word Press family’s help with this. By clicking on the link below you can make a SECURE online dontation to my personal donation page. These funds go directly to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation which goes toward finding a cure to this awful disease. No donation is too small, everything helps.
So I am a Type 1 superhero. What type are you? Be the *putting your dollars to work* type by clicking the “Support Me!” button below!
You have heard me talk about my daughter’s ADHD and the yet to be diagnosed, “learning disorder” that affects her ability to cope with changes, deal with her emotions and regulate the way she handles responses to external stimuli. Going to new places, trying new things, doing regular family stuff that involves being out in public or just around people in general (even our own family) and any kind of quick change of plans or change in routine…we do all of those things differently than most. We introduce things slowly. Brook has to be mentally prepared for pretty much anything that we do. We plan things well in advance in order to give her the best shot of being able to enjoy herself.
For instance at the beginning of each school year we go in the week before school starts so that she can be prepared and will know where her new desk is, where her new locker is, what the new teacher’s routine is. When having a family party we have to start talking about it weeks in advance, explaining that there will be lots of people in our home, it will be crowded, noisey, she has to use her manners and if she gets over whelmed to tell us and take a break in her bedroom with the door shut. The extra planning doesn’t always help. When we had her First Communion last year she was excited to have all of these people over and have a party, until the last second before we left for the church, when she started crying and yelling and asking us to cancel the party…she wasn’t going to First Communion at all! But for the most part planning helps.
I’ll give you two examples of what happens when we dont plan, or when we do plan but the plans change.
Example 1) Going to her friend’s birthday party at a family fun center. We talked to the mom and she told us exactly what we would be doing in the order that we would be doing them in (I love parents that are totally open to helping make experiences for Brook so much more enjoyable), I explained to my daughter what each activity was and how she would play it. We get there, everything is fun, she is having a great time but then the one activity that we were supposed to do (laser tag) was not working so we had to do bumper cars instead. She had a melt down. She was prepared for laser tag and not bumper cars. She could not wrap her head around the change until I explained to her exactly what she would do, from walking to the bumper car, getting in, and driving it around. I had to have her watch the other kids so that she could see how the cars were used. She eventually went on and had a great time (YAY) but the before was the struggle.
Example 2) Right after we learned that my daughter has this disability (whatever it is) but before we had learned anything about it, we planned a trip to Disney World. Every kid’s dream right? We made it a surprise for her…you can only imagine how that turned out! She was miserable for the first 2 days as she acclimatized herself to the new surroundings. She cried, whined, wants to go home, did not want to leave the hotel room…for 3 days! It was awful. I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. She eventually came around, got used to the crowds and the different setting and had a great time, but those first 3 days were brutal.
This is just a glimpse into our life. Everyone’s experiences are different. Everyone has their own opinions. These are mine.
Today I watched my daughter give up on something she is Completely in love with. One of the things that she has worked so hard for (outside of school). The one thing she was so excited to do every week. It was the one thing that, after she had done it for a while, you could see the change in her (for the better). Today I watched as my daughter’s disability took over.
My daughter has ADHD as you know. She also has another, yet to be diagnosed, ‘learning disorder’ that affects her ability to cope with changes, deal with her emotions and regulate the way she handles some of her responses to external stimuli (among many other things). Going to new places, trying new things, doing regular family stuff that involves being out in public or just around people in general (even our own family) and any kind of quick change of plans or change in routine…these things are excruciatingly difficult for her.
Over the years we have tried many different extracurricular activities; soccer, dance, Girl Guides etc. These were all her choices of what new activity to try next. And while the idea of doing these things really appealed to her, the social aspect of these activities threw her for a loop and she hated them ALL. We are not a quitting family, so yes she had to finish out the season or the session of whatever she had chosen to try but after each session was finished she was not required to go back unless she wanted to. The only one that had stuck, for a while at least, was Girl Guides and that was because I became one of the leaders in the hopes that she would be able to feel more comfortable with me there to support her if she needed it.
Then came horseback riding and it was love at first trot. She was scared at first, who wouldn’t be? But then she flourished. Horseback riding constantly brings her out of her comfort zone, pushes her to do things she didn’t think she could do. It makes her work on things that she normally struggles with like independence or trying those new things. It built up her confidence, helped her with leadership skills and to learn responsibility.
Within a few weeks she was blossoming into such a different girl. She was coming out of her shell, she was happier, less likely to ‘freak out’ over the little things. She LOVED horseback riding and her Ponies, Ginger and Houdini. If she wasn’t riding at the farm or doing her chores at the farm, she was talking about riding, making her dolls ride their ponies, building “jumps” at home and pretending to ride a horse while galloping at full speed and jumping over them herself. Obsessed is the word I would use, but that was ok with me. I LOVED that she loved something this much. I loved that when we left the farm she would ask how many days it would be before she would be able to go back and ride again. Nothing peeked her interest quite like horseback riding did.
And then one day, just a few weeks ago, she froze atop her horse. Anxiety is what I am guessing it was and it stuck. She froze like she was terrified. She started to cry and she couldn’t move even with her trainer right beside her talking to her. None of us know why. We’ve asked B and she doesn’t know, she just all of a sudden is scared and cannot handle it. We tried going back to the basics, no riding just brushing her ponies, walking her ponies, playing with her ponies and bonding with her ponies. She loved it. She wanted to ride. She was ready she said. So we got her back up on a pony and she froze again. Didn’t even get a single step in before tears started rolling down her cheeks and she had that same panic attack all over again.
It was awful to watch her react that way to something that she loves doing. All the way home she cried and said ‘I hate myself’, ‘I hate my body and brain for not letting me ride’, ‘I want to ride but I am so scared now and I don’t know why’. It
was absolutely heartbreaking. It was heartbreaking because nothing happened that should have made her scared. It was heartbreaking because a ‘normal’ kid wouldn’t have these difficulties. A ‘normal’ kid would be able to work through their fears. It was heartbreaking to see B not being able to work through those fears. It was heartbreaking to watch her give up on something that she loves so much even when she knows she wants to do it.
Today I watched as my daughter cried while she brushed her pony, knowing that we wouldn’t be back (at least for a while) until we could figure out why this was happening. Today I watched as my daughter gave up on one of her dreams. Today I watched as my daughter’s disability took over and the only thing I could think of was; is this what the rest of her life, our lives, will be like?
For those of you who know me personally, you know that I was not blessed with a butt. I have never in my life been the girl with the ‘booty’, the ‘ba-donk-a-donk’, or the ‘junk in her trunk’. My sister and I both suffer from ‘pancake booty’ or in other words…a flat ass lol We blame our parents for our misfortune as neither of them have a booty either (I curse you GENES!!). Anyways, I tell you about my flat butted issues because after working out for the past few months and really giving my all to those squat thrusts and squat lifts and squat (whatever other kind of squat you can think of) during Zumba…I, OFFICIALLY, have a booty lol WOOHOO me lol this is a huge accomplishment and I am happy to share it with the world…or at least my small blogging family.
It hasn’t been all wondrous news though. I did a weigh in recently and..I have gained. I am now basically back to my pre-journey weight. WTF?! I know that this weight is muscle. I know this because I can see my body changing. Not just my new ass 😀 but my stomach is visibly (even to me) smaller, my hips and my thighs are tighter etc. Even though I know that this weight gain is a result of building muscle, which is a great thing, I still feel appalled. Appalled at myself for not losing anything. Appalled at my body for being so resistant to weight loss. Appalled at the fact that I have been on this journey for a year, and after all of the work that I put in, I am not any closer to the goals that I had in mind than I was before. Maybe I am a little closer (see: my booty) but not anywhere near where I expect to be at this stage in the game.
Even though I have had a rough go, I am not letting this stop me. Back to the doctors I go to see what the next plan of action is. What else I need to change. I know that I need to get in more muscle building workouts because honestly, I don’t do them at all right now. The only thing I do is Zumba for an hour 2-3 times a week. Since Zumba focuses on legs and cardio my next step is starting to add in 1 workout a week (for now) focused mainly on building muscle in my mid to upper body. This is the hardest part because I will be doing this at home. If you ask my Zumba instructor, I have NEVER missed a class, shown up late once or twice yes, but never missed..not even one. I have never been a class person but clearly the fact that I have other people expecting me to be there actually pushes me to go lol Doing a workout at home, by myself most likely, is what will be hard. But I can do it!! I need to do it!
Anyways, I meal prepped my ass off yesterday and have some great lunches and snacks to show for it this week. You know I always struggle with my dinners as I don’t cook them but my gym has this awesome program where you can purchase meals for $8. They are prepared fresh and you can have them customized to exactly what you want and need. EX) if you need to stay below a certain amount of calories per meal or if you have dietary restrictions you tell them that and they make the meals customized to you. It’s basically meal prepping but I don’t have to do any of the work lol So I purchased a few of those this week to try out. I plan on using them specifically for dinner so that maybe I can get a more balanced meal than I have been (You mean a bowl of Mac N’ Cheese isn’t a balanced meal?!?! :O). So here is my meal plan for the next week:
Breakfast: 240 calories, 45 carbohydrates
1 packet of Quaker Oats Maple Oatmeal
Morning Snack: 100 calories 0 carbohydrates
½ cup 1% cottage cheese
½ cup sliced cucumber
Lunch: 340 calories, 40 carbohydrates
1 baked tilapia filet
½ cup uncle ben’s brown and wild rice
1 cup steamed broccoli
Afternoon snack: 0 calories, 0 carbohydrates
Fresh veggies. If I really need something yummy I will add in some laughing cow cheese (this makes it 50 calories, 0 carb)
I don’t know the exact details of these yet but under 450 calories and I requested 3 meals, 1 steak, 1 chicken, 1 salmon with veggies and a carb.
Other snacks: 100 calories each (I may not eat all of these in 1 day, I switch it up for whatever I am feeling or add in one of these if I need a sweet treat)
FYI: This post has very personal things in it…so if you don’t want to know about my sex life…stop reading here lol
Up until now, I was a badass bitch and I knew it. I had the attitude that said I love myself and if you don’t like the way I look then I don’t GAF! But then…I got naked in front of a man and my confidence was nowhere to be found.
I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident woman. I was never confident growing up but the older I got, the more my confidence grew. Yes there are parts of my body that I would like to change but in general I am pretty OK with it. In my situation, with the fact that it is so hard for me to lose weight, I kind of have to be ok with where ever I am in my journey. But apparently when I am NAKED in front of someone else it changes my self-image completely!
For me, I have not been with a man in 5 years. It started as getting over a breakup, then I was too busy with my kid, then I just got scared because by that time it had been a few years and now here we are. I felt ready. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but I NEEDED to sleep with someone lol how desperate does that sound but 5 YEARS?! Come on! It was overdue haha. So I decided to sleep with a man that I trusted. A good friend if you will.
This really has nothing to do with the person I was with. He is nothing but a sweetheart and would never say anything bad about my body. It has to do with the way I viewed MYSELF.
The sex was great. But there was this little voice in the back of my head saying awful things to me…about me! “Not good enough” “Fat” “Huge” “disgusting”. The self-doubt and total self-consciousness filled my head. I felt those awful things afterwards. Not because of having sex, but because I felt like my body wasn’t good enough. Like my looks and my weight were all that mattered in the equation and they felt not good enough to me.
I am fine now. That self-conscious feeling went away and I am back to my Fabulous self again, but what the hell? Why does that happen? How does that little voice in the back of our heads sneak in there when we least expect it to? When we are feeling great about ourselves, 100% confident and fabulous. I want to tell that sneaky little voice to shut the F*CK up.
What I have learned from this experience; I will have sex AGAIN because let’s be honest, I am never waiting 5 years to have sex ever again lol. The other thing is…I need to love myself MORE. I found out the hard way that I didn’t appreciate my body as much as I thought that I did. That is going to change.
As I have written before, I AM ENOUGH. I am MORE than enough. I am amazing and wonderful and beautiful and sexy and the list goes on. I know that about myself. I just need to reconfirm my own self-image. To remind myself that I am an amazing woman with, or without, clothes on. 🙂