Hospitals Are For Losers

My mom was in the hospital for 3 months.

April, 2018- July, 2018

By April my mom was using a walker full time. She could not go up or down the stairs, so she was stuck on the upper floor of our home. She could not get in or out of her own bed by herself. We had to physically lift her into and out of bed. She used a bed rail to help her turn her own body in the night to reposition herself. She had to wear adult diapers because she could no longer make it to the washroom in time to pee (or more because she was losing bladder control). We couldn’t bathe her as our shower is down 2 flights of stairs and we couldn’t get her in or out of the bathtub either.

By April my mom told us that she wasn’t going to make it to the end of the year. She told us she was dying and she could feel it. In hindsight now, she was right. But at that time we told her once we got it all figured out she would be able to get better. We just had to wait for the doctors.

Since the neurologists (nee: 2 neurologists) could not figure out what in the HELL was wrong with my mom, she asked them to admit her to the hospital until they could figure it out. We could no longer, safely, care for her at home and they hoped that testing and treatments could be provided at a faster rate.

So they admitted her in April. We spent a month and a half mostly sitting on our hands. Some tests were done. Some treatments began while we waited for results to things that she didn’t end up having.

I pushed again for a referral to the neurologist who specializes in ALS, 2.5 hours away from us. The neurologists still said that there was no way she could have ALS. They fought me tooth and nail to give me that referral but in the end I won. We were sent to London at the end of May.

I will never forget that day in all my life.

After fighting with doctors for 6 months we got the answers we didn’t want, but did need. Our mom had ALS. A very rapidly progressing form.

When my mom asked how long the Dr thought she had to live, she said she didn’t know but it would definitely be on the lower end of the “average”.

On average a person with ALS dies between 3-5 years after diagnosis. My mom made it to 7 months.

The only thing my mom said before she started sobbing was “I won’t even get to see Brook graduate”. Those words broke me.

My daughter was 11 and my mom was her other parent. My mom worked sooo hard to help my daughter succeed. She came to every school meeting, every school function, every after school activity. She was the only person in the room when my daughter was born. She helped me care for her every day. She was there for it all. It broke me that, she was more worried about Brook, about us, her family, than anything else.

And it’s not fucking fair.

Christmas Just Wasn’t the Same pt 2

It was quiet in our house Christmas morning. We opened presents and loved on each other more than ever. For New Years we went to my aunt and uncles for a few nights. My mom could barely make it up their stairs to bed at night. We had to help her walk from room to room by letting her hold our arm for support.

Christmas 2018 came and went. And with it, any good feelings we had of mom possibly getting better without intervention.

We saw doctor after doctor. Specialist upon specialist. The neurologists are where we stopped. 3 neurologists in fact.

First were tests. So many tests.

And then possible diagnosis after possible diagnosis. Everyone was sure it was MS. “Definitely MS” the doctors said, but the tests confirmed it was NOT MS. Then it was clearly brain cancer. Then “It has to be cancer hiding somewhere in your body” all of the doctors were sure. But all of the tests confirmed it was NOT cancer of any kind. Then it was an autoimmune disease, then definitely Lyme disease, then definitely an infection in your brain, definitely, definitely, definitely.

I knew what is was. I am not a doctor. Or anyone in the medical field. But I KNEW.

I asked both neurologists “could this possibly be ALS?”. The answer was always no. “No way, ALS is not this rapid. This is not what ALS looks like. This is not ALS”.

Then came the 3 month long hospital stay.

Re-United And It Feels So Good!

Reunited and it feels so good!

Taking a week off of Zumba was the worst decision EVER!

Due to unforseeable circumstances, both nights of our Zumba class got cancelled last week. I took full advantage of this, especially considering that my lady business had started and I was feeling like crap. So I lounged around (except for getting all of my steps the night of Halloween), I did little to no excersize…AKA I did NOTHING! I went to work and then came home and sat on my ass! lol

Getting back to it last night was so difficult. Even after just 1 week; I couldnt catch my breath, my muscles spasmed half way through class, and I was totally beat by the end. But man was I proud of myself.

Even though I felt like the class was harder (due to having the week before off and taking FULL advantage of it) I kicked ASS. I got through ENTIRE songs that I have never been able to get through before. I did moves, jumps, kicks that I am not ALWAYS able to do. I performed at a level that I never have before. I’m not sure WHY but damn did it feel good!

It doesn’t feel so great today but I kind of love that burn. It means I worked hard and I will have something to show for it.

Zumba is honestly my saving grace. What is yours?

ADHD Life-A bad day

This is an older post that I wrote on a bad day. At the time I had decided not to post it because…*what would people think?!* But if you have read my blog, then you know that I try to be honest…sometimes to a fault.

I am going to post this today because well, I cannot be the only mother who has ever felt this way at one time or another.  This is not a constant feeling, it was just a feeling in the moment. This does not make me a bad mom, it makes me a REAL mom. A real PERSON.

A Bad Day

As I sit at the dinner table all by myself, tears falling into my untouched plate of food, I wonder if anyone else has ever had a moment where they hate their child?

It sounds so awful. I cried just thinking it. But I have had moments, like right now, where I have hated my daughter.

Maybe it is not hate towards her, maybe it is hate towards the life that we live or the way that we have to behave or the uncontrollable screaming and name calling that is coming from the other room.

It only lasts a few minutes. I should be able to handle it. But when your child is calling you an awful mother, screaming it at you with such venom, saying they don’t want to live because you are so awful, over and over, it is hard to keep your composure.

When we have a good day, it is SO GOOD. When we have a bad day, it is SO BAD. Sometimes it only affects the time that the ‘BAD’ takes place but a lot of time it puts tension on the entire day and it is so hard to shake it off.

Patience mommies…patience. It will get better.

-3rd Generation Mommy

Meal Prep Monday-Chicken Fajita Bowls

Ok I know its Tuesday BUT I was busy yesterday so you get this post today instead!

I LOVE Buddah Bowls…or anything that can be mixed into a big bowl of goodness. That is what inspired this dish and my Meal Prep for this week and let me tell you…these were AMAZING! I actually did NOT get sick of eating this AND I was sad when I had eaten them all. That’s saying something after eating them for 4 days in a row haha.

For breakfast I had 1 package of melba toasts with 2tbs of peanut butter spread between them and a piece of fruit, usually an apple or orange. The melba toast and peanut butter gave me the carb and protein that I need and the fruit is great for giving me a little more fiber and carb as well as balancing my meal and keeping me full longer. For lunch I had my Chicken Fajita Buddah bowls.

I had enough fixins left over for another bowl (minus the chicken) so I added 1/2 an avacado instead. YUMMO!

Ingredients:

• 3 boneless-skinless chicken breasts
• 1tsp Mrs. Dash Southwest seasoning
• 1 jar salsa (I like mild but you can use whatever you want)
• 1 LARGE red onion sliced in skinny strips
• 2 bell peppers sliced in skinny strips
• 3 cups (uncooked) Tru Roots Sprouted Rice and Quinoa blend
• 1 cup frozen corn
• Shredded cheddar cheese
• Cilantro
• Salt and Pepper
• Cooking spray
• 4 bowls or containers that can be put into the microwave to re-heat!

Instructions:

1. Pre-heat oven to 400F or 200C
2. Spray sheet pan with cooking spray and lay the chicken breast in the middle with the sliced peppers on one side and the onion on the other
3. Sprinkle Mrs. Dash Southwest seasoning on both sides of chicken (add any other spices you may want) and salt and pepper on everything, including peppers and onion.
4. Pour salsa, evenly, over the chicken breasts.
5. Bake in the oven until the chicken is cooked through (about 25 minutes).
6. While the chicken cooks, make your quinoa blend by following the directions on the package.
7. Once everything is cooked start layering all of the items together in containers!
8. To layer I start with my quinoa blend (1 cup) in each of the 4 bowls.
9. Put ¼ cup of corn into each bowl on top of the quinoa.
10. Divide peppers and onions evenly between the bowls and put them beside the corn.
11. Then I slice up my chicken and divide that into the bowls.
12. Top with a pinch of cheddar cheese and cilantro (optional).

These will keep for 4-5 days in the refrigerator so stack them up and grab 1 on your way out the door!

I feel like this looks like a lot of steps but I promise its not and it is SUPER easy! Like the easiest recipe I have made while meal prepping! Only 1 pan and 1 pot are used to make the WHOLE THING! You cannot beat that lol

Finished product!!

Are you doing any awesome meal preps? Please share! I am always looking for new ideas 🙂

Meal Prep Monday! Egg Cups and Tilapia Recipes

WOAH! I have been slacking on my meal prep blogging lately.

Even though the blog has been lacking that does not mean my meal prep game is not on fleek! Because it is and has been since I started cracking the whip 2 weeks ago.

My goals the past few weeks, in terms of my diet, are to decrease my carb (starch) intake and increase my protein intake. Easier said than done because, lets face it, I LOVE me some CARBS. Bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, CHIPS, all the starchy goodness lol BUT I need to cut back on them (not eliminate them completely) so that I can put less insulin into my body and HOPEFULLY lose some damn weight!

I am back to my Zumba classes twice a week and with my Fit with Type 1 Diabetes challenge I also have 2 other nights that I work out as well. Maybe this will be exactly what my body needs to kick start this weight loss that I so desperately need.

My breakfast last week was ham and egg cups. These were SO good and kept me full all the way to lunch. I ate them with melba toasts as my starch as they are a great lower carb option.

For the ham and egg cups I placed slices of ham into muffin tins, pushing them in so that they were at the bottom of the tin and right up against the sides like a cup. Once the ham was in, I added some chopped mushrooms and cracked an egg into each muffin hole. I sprinkled the tops with salt and pepper and green onion, then I baked them at 325F for about 20 minutes or until the eggs were set. Once they were completely cooled I stored them in an airtight container in the fridge. Each morning I would grab 2-3 and pop them in the microwave for about 30 seconds and ate them warm because we all know I love a hot breakfast!

My lunch last week was tilapia with Brussel sprouts/yellow squash and PC brand quinoa, corn and black bean blend (yes from the frozen food isle).

I put the tilapia in tin-foil with olive oil, lemon juice and salt and pepper and put it on the barbecue for about 20 minutes. It was delicious.

The Brussel sprouts and squash were steamed and then mixed in with PC brand quinoa corn and black bean blend.

The quinoa blend was a little bit spicy all by itself BUT onces the Brussel sprouts were added in, it was perfect. Quinoa is a great carb choice as it has a lot of nutrients and is considered a ‘good’ carb. It is a great replacement for white rice or pasta.

My snacks consisted of cut up oranges, nectarines, and cucumber with a mini babybell cheese!

There you have it. My first week back to meal prepping and I didn’t do too shabby (even if I do say so myself). I have saved money by not going out to eat WHILE eating a much healthier diet. I still eat out once a week but that’s ok. It is my treat to myself ❤

 

 

Mother-Daughter Trip to Toronto

My summer, so far, has been really wonderful. I work a lot and I don’t get to spend as much time with my daughter as I would like to. So we carved out special time to go on a few vacations. One being our very first time going on a trip ALONE, just the two of us.

For our Mother-Daughter trip we decided to go to Toronto. Only a few (4) hours away from home, but we had been talking about this trip for close to 2 years. All of the fun attractions we would get to go to, the amazing sights we would see, and of course all of the shopping that we would do. And trust me…we did them ALL! Going into it I was really nervous about how my daughter would react to the noise and total chaos that is Toronto (remember her issues with change in setting etc). Honestly though, I was totally surprised by her grown up attitude and the fact that she literally had ZERO break downs the entire trip. Sadly, I cannot say the same for myself lol

Our first subway ride #UnionStation

We had a lot of firsts (for both of us) on this trip. First time travelling alone, first time going to the CN Tower!! (WHAT?), first time riding the subway, first time at the aquarium. It was all amazing and we got to do all of these firsts together!

Our first day was The CN Tower and Ripley’s Aquarium. This was honestly the day that I worried about Brook’s reactions the most because  we were taking the subway, there would be a ton of walking and it would be super busy, and I just didn’t know what to expect. Brook’s reaction was not the one to worry about though because she did amazing, staying calm and keeping it together. I, on the other hand, did not keep it together. Before we left the hotel I

CN Tower fun

had a panic attack. We almost didn’t go out. But after talking to my cousin (he lives in Toronto and gave me some direction) I got my bearings and we headed out. It was all about me not being able to take full control of our surroundings but my daughter and I empowered ourselves that day and it felt incredible.

We ended up having the MOST amazing day that day. It was actually my favourite day of the entire trip. Brook’s reaction to seeing the CN Tower was priceless. And the endless fish tanks at the aquarium, with a million different things to learn about, had us busy for a few hours.

We spent the next day at The Ontario Science Centre. It took us 5 hours and about 12,000 steps to get through it but we honestly loved every second of it. They had a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not exhibit that was pretty impressive and my daughter is all about science and experiments so it was the perfect place to spend the day.

AMERICAN GIRL #lookatthatface

The third day was spent shopping. We found out before leaving for Toronto that it has one of the only American Girl Doll stores in Canada. Well my daughter is ALL about AG. Obsessed! So this was an obvious stop on our trip and I set money aside just for this moment. The excitement that radiated from her all the way there and then the smile that was PLASTERED on her face from the moment we saw that iconic red sign until she fell asleep that night. Lets just say these moments will be something we both hold onto for years to come.

Our entire trip I reminded myself (and my daughter) that we were here to have fun. There was no rushing aloud. We decided that if we didn’t make it to a certain place one day, we would just go the next day. We took our time getting to and from each place, exploring everything along the way and just taking in the scenery! Taking time to ‘smell the roses’ if you will.

Our trip together was part of building our Mother-Daughter bond.  It was quite amazing learning things about my daughter that I didn’t know before. Seeing how much of a young lady she is becoming before my eyes. Seeing how strong she really is. Seeing how she struggles but is learning to manage her emotions and reactions that come with the territory. I am happy to report that the trip was eye-opening and definitely brought us closer together.

As for the rest of the trip I will let the pictures speak for themselves 🙂

Canadian road trips always start with Timmies.

Our first subway ride #UnionStation

Using the SkyWalk or PATH to get to the CN Tower

CN Tower fun

Ripleys Aquarium

SHARK SELFIE (check out the background)

Petting the sting rays. She waiting the whole day to do this.

AMERICAN GIRL #lookatthatface

Science Centre Fun

Woah. Tallest Man in the world.

Shark Teeth

Fishy Fun

Science Centre Fun

We did a lot of this too ❤

Life With My Daughter-ADHD at it’s finest

ADHD Primarily Inattentive formerly known as ADD. With the possibility of Non-Verbal Learning Disorder.

This is the diagnosis we waited for. What we searched for. What we knew in our heart of hearts that would affect my daughter, and us, for the rest of our lives.

This is the reason for our struggle for the past 4 years of school, before the official diagnosis. The one we bypassed the school system for. The one we paid for out of pocket instead of waiting another 2 years just to find out what we already knew.

We knew. We were decently prepared. We read up on it, learned about it, set changes in motion at school and home for it. We thought we were ready. But if we were so ready, and so prepared, why does it feel like everything is falling apart now?

1 full year after her diagnosis of ADD. 2 years after having special IEPs (Individual Education Plan) in place to try to help her without medicating. 8 months after starting on medications that seem to be working to help her focus. This is where we are.

The learning is going well. She can focus. You can see it in the excitement that she has when she gets her grades back on a test or project. Grades that she prayed for and cried about when she just couldn’t get them no matter how hard she tried. The grades that never came in her first 4 years of school (Jk through the end of grade 2). 1 year ago, she would give up immediately because she KNEW there was no point in trying. She literally couldn’t focus enough to begin trying.

She gets the grades now. The A+’s, the B’s, even the C’s. We celebrate anything that isn’t an incomplete. Those are the grades we were looking for, for so long. Now she gets them. Those grades are showing that she can focus that beautiful brain of hers and is actually trying to do her work. That she can actually BEGIN to try. She is so happy when she brings home those tests, projects, and report cards. So proud of herself, just as I am of her.

The grades and school are great. The issues we are having now are with an emotional and behavioural demon that we have no clue how to deal with. I know that kids go through stages and ‘phases’ in their lives where they behave differently. I know that. But this…this is nothing like that.

She had bouts of it when she was younger too. The “I hate you” or “your ruining my life” statements at 3 years old. We thought it was cute then. It’s not cute anymore. Those statements now come daily. Screeching and screaming and other awful things being said “I wish I were never born”, “no one loves me”,” I hate you”, “you are the worst mother in the world”.  Throwing things, punching, kicking, those come when you are putting her on ‘time out’ in the corner or in her room for 5 minutes.

It is like when she is being defiant, she is totally irrational. She has no control over what she is doing or saying. She doesn’t start off at a debating tone of voice. You know that a bit louder but still controlled voice you use when you disagree with someone? No. It automatically starts at an ear piercing pitch that is unimaginable unless you have heard it before. The tears automatically start flowing. She looks terrified and terrifying if I am honest with myself.

She was never the kid who got everything she asked for or got to do whatever she wanted. She was never the kid who was allowed to talk back to her parents or be rude or disrespectful. She was and is still the kid who is so kind hearted. So wonderfully playful. So beautiful inside and out. So genuinely concerned for everyone else’s wellbeing. That’s why this is so difficult for us.

They say that when there is a diagnosis of ADHD: Inattentive there is almost always another disorder lurking. Hence the possible Non Verbal Learning Disorder that they say she may or may not have. It could wait to show its ugly head for a while, but it’s there. And in a way I’ve always known that it was there. It has just recently become a big issue. A huge enough issue that it is affecting our entire household. No one really knowing what to do. Everyone on edge.

There is no way to know what the secondary disorder is, or if it really is anything at all, until we re-test her. Re-testing will not be done until after she has fully reached puberty. That’s another 3 years at least.

For me, this is both terrifying and hopeful. Terrifying because I have to wait so long with this crazy behaviour that IS taking over my house. Hopeful because maybe there is a reason for this crazy behaviour that has taken over my house. Hopeful also because then there will be a way to help her. A set plan that we can work with. For now, we try anything and everything we can think of, that we read about, that are suggested to us. For now, we wait.

 

 

 

 

Meal Prep Monday- November 23rd

This past weekend was crazy! So much to do, so little time to meal prep!

Saturday was spent with my beautiful girl ❤ We spent the afternoon Christmas shopping, went out for dinner just the two of us and spent the snowy evening at the theatre! The Little Mermaid (LIVE!) was quite amazing, and she was beyond ecstatic. Mommy + daughter days are our absolute favourite days ❤
 

 

I got an hour Sunday morning to get some of my Turkey Meat Balls made! Woo Hoo! They are amazing to make and freeze for the days that you don’t have a meal prepared, or your family is eating something awful for dinner, or even just as a high protein snack after the gym.

Sunday afternoon was spent grocery shopping for the week and enjoying my niece’s 7th birthday with the FAM. We did not get home until late (8pm for my daughter is late lol). I really was in no mood to prepare my lunches for the week, but I put her to bed and got down to work.

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

This week I stuck to my usual breakfast of toast with avocado. It hasn’t gotten old yet! Plus, I got a great deal on avocados at the grocery store :).

For lunch I made something new, that I haven’t tried before. Baked Sweet Potato and Avocado Hash. I made an extra so that I could try it last night and let me tell you, it is yummy! I will post a recipe for this later on in the week.

For my snacks I have my usual apple, mixed veggies but I also picked up some rice cakes. I haven’t eaten a rice cake in YEARS so I am hoping that with a little peanut butter on top I will still like them lol

Well here it is. My Meal Prep for the week. Keep in mind that this only includes what I eat during the day. It does not include my dinner or if I have a snack after my workout of choice. Those are usually not planned (I need to start doing that) and might consist of a piece of whole grain bread with peanut butter or a Nutrigrain bar or something of that sort.

Breakfast: 330 calories, 40 carbohydrates

• 2 12-grain toast
• 1/2 avocado

Lunch:  320 calories, 30 carbohydrates

• Baked Sweet Potato and Avocado Hash
  • (It is literally 1 sweet potato, 1/2 an avocado, and 1 fried (or poached) egg on top!)

Snacks: I usually have 2. I almost always eat my veggies plus one of the higher calorie snacks.

• 1/2 Cucumber, 1 stick of celery 12 calories, 0 carbohydrates
• 1 rice cake with 1 tsp of Kraft Smooth peanut butter 80 calories, 10 carbohydrates
• Apple 60 calories, 18 carbohydrates

Did you meal prep this week? What are you eating? What is on your menu tonight?

Please donate today

Good morning,

I am participating in the Big Bike Ride to support Heart and Stroke and could really use any help you are willing to give.

Normally I would never ask you for anything, but today I am asking for you to think of all the people in your life who have suffered from Heart attacks, stroke, heart disease etc. Those people in your life would not have gotten the care that they did without this organization. I know that personally a few people in my family and one of my very best friends would not be here today if it was not for this organization.

So now I am asking you to please donate today to my Big Bike Fundraiser for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. This foundation means a lot to me and my family. And of course, I am competitive so I want to raise as much money as I can. My company matches whatever donations we raise so if you give $1, it will actually be $2 etc.

If you are willing to make a donation, please click on the link below.

Thank you for your generosity.

http://support.heartandstroke.ca/site/TR/BigBike2015/BB_General_2015?px=1081352&pg=personal&fr_id=1560