This is an older post that I wrote on a bad day. At the time I had decided not to post it because…*what would people think?!* But if you have read my blog, then you know that I try to be honest…sometimes to a fault.
I am going to post this today because well, I cannot be the only mother who has ever felt this way at one time or another. This is not a constant feeling, it was just a feeling in the moment. This does not make me a bad mom, it makes me a REAL mom. A real PERSON.
A Bad Day
As I sit at the dinner table all by myself, tears falling into my untouched plate of food, I wonder if anyone else has ever had a moment where they hate their child?
It sounds so awful. I cried just thinking it. But I have had moments, like right now, where I have hated my daughter.
Maybe it is not hate towards her, maybe it is hate towards the life that we live or the way that we have to behave or the uncontrollable screaming and name calling that is coming from the other room.
It only lasts a few minutes. I should be able to handle it. But when your child is calling you an awful mother, screaming it at you with such venom, saying they don’t want to live because you are so awful, over and over, it is hard to keep your composure.
When we have a good day, it is SO GOOD. When we have a bad day, it is SO BAD. Sometimes it only affects the time that the ‘BAD’ takes place but a lot of time it puts tension on the entire day and it is so hard to shake it off.
Last week was rough! So rough in fact that I ended up taking the week off from the gym. I still ate the way I normally eat, but there were no workouts at all.
It started Monday when I fell and hurt myself. Not wanting to make my injury worse, I skipped Zumba for the first time since I started. I actually really missed it and CANNOT wait to go back tonight. But this started the ball rolling I feel.
The rest of the week was just an emotional mess; from a family pet being put down, to work sucking, to Christmas Concerts, to outragously high blood sugars (damn you diabetes). My nights were filled with tears, reminiscing, happiness, sadness, and cuddles on the couch. I really didnt care about hitting the gym or going for a walk or anything else. It was just a week that needed to be spent with family and not a week spent trying to fit workouts in around everything else that was going on.
Do I feel bad about missing an entire week of workouts? I guess I do a little bit. mainly because I don’t want to reverse the hard work that I have put in. But honestly, it does not bother me all that much. I am happy that I took the time to spend with family and friends. I am happy that I have those memories and that my daughter will look back and remember that mommy was there. Not just physically there, but 100% mentally there as well.
Today, I am looking forward to getting back to Zumba and shaking my ass like we normally do on a Monday night lol Who knows what the rest of this week will bring?
I have worked out hard 4 out of 5 days so far this week. That is pretty great if I do say so myself. This week got off to a rocky start. Sunday (as you know) was my migraine day but I worked out anyways. Monday was an emotional roller coaster of a day with my cousin going into labour 9 weeks early, my bestie having some horrible personal troubles and me only loosing 1 pound in the past week. So my friend and I had a night of girl talk instead of working out. But the rest of the week is going by smashingly. 🙂
This week I got back into food prep mode because honestly I had been slacking major in this department for a week or so. One of my best friends, who I actually met through work and have had the pleasure of working with for the past almost 3 years, was quitting. So for the last week or so we’ve been going out for lunch, A LOT! I am going to miss his crazy-ness but I digress. I got back on track over the weekend and am feeling good about it.
Tuesday we decided to switch it up from our usual routine of Cardio or Speed 1.0 and we went with one of our other favourites, T25 Ab Intervals. If this is a problem area for you, you really need to try this workout. It works all the muscles in your abdomin and you can really feel it! I can still feel it 2 days later when I have trouble sitting up in my bed haha.
Wednesday we really changed it up and went with a totally different workout program. It was called 10 minute trainer. The moves were not so difficult that you could not follow along but it was difficult in the fact that you were out of breath within two minutes and your muscles were really tired out. I liked this workout for the fact that it only took 10 minutes. Quick and to the point. Overall though, I definately missed my Shawn T time. I found that I caught my breath, and my heart rate was right back to normal, within a few minutes. I didnt feel like I was finished so, I tried out Turbo Fire for a few minutes but ended up just running through a few drills from my T25 Cardio/Speed videos that I remembered.
The thing that I love about T25 anything is…its only 25 minutes! You sweat your ass off and tire out whatever group of muscles that you are working on, but it only lasts for 25 minutes. After that 25 minutes, you can STILL feel your body working. Your heart beat is elevated and muscles are tired for so much longer after your workout which means that you are still burning calories when your finished (AKA, flopped on the couch, breathing heavy but watching your favourite TV show).
What did I learn from this trial and error? I learned that I definately purchased the right program for me. T25 is my kind of workout and I cannot wait until this 30 day challenge is finished so that I can officially start the T25 10 week program!