Confidence Is Key

Self Confidence

Who would have thought, over a year ago, I would feel this good?

It is crazy to believe that when I started this journey I actually felt like crap. Physically and mentally.

A year ago I was always down on myself. I felt ugly and fat and uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt like none of my clothes fit properly and that everyone judged me on how big I was. I was SUPER quiet and introverted when out without my best friends. I couldn’t make it up the stairs at work without getting out of breath. My blood sugars were out of control! I really felt like I was going nowhere in this life of mine.

It is crazy what a year and a half can do. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel great, physically. I actually take selfies and LOVE the way I look. I know its not all about how I look but in all reality, the way I felt about my body totally brought me down. Not saying that I don’t still have those days, everyone does, but they are fewer and farther between. I rely on my girlfriends, in those low times, to help me remember where I have been and where I am going.

What really made me want to write this post was my Zumba class. Zumba is fast paced and you are constantly moving. Shaking your hips, squatting, skipping, jumping, among other things. It is hard but it is SO FUN. When I first started this class I could barely make it through. I did a totally modified version because the jumping and fast paced moves seemed totally impossible. At that time, they were impossible. It HURT to jump, it hurt to do a million calf raise dances, and it sucked! I could not get my body to do what I wanted.

Anyways, in time (AKA a year and a half later), I have built up my stamina, my strength and my stability. I’ve been able to make it through classes without needing to sit out for half of the songs. I am now able to make it through all of the songs in a class and put WAY MORE effort into them. I have even been able to do a lot of the jumping moves that I thought would always be impossible. I still cannot do all of the jumping for the whole class. I still sometimes take 1 song to sit out if I am absolutely winded. I still slack sometimes when I feel like crap. But all of those things are ok because I know that I CAN do it. I AM doing it.

You need to know that the key to a successful fitness journey is not being able to workout hard and for long periods of time. It is not going to the gym and being able to run for an hour on the treadmill or lift 50lb weights or complete an ENTIRE Zumba class. The key to a successful fitness journey is to begin. Begin and keep going no matter how little you can do at first. When I first started with T25 I could only do about 15 minutes before I felt like I wanted to puke. So I did as much as I could and then I stopped and I didn’t feel bad about it because I did SOMETHING.

Just start with something little. Go for a walk, do a 10 minute workout from you tube, take as many breaks as you need to but keep going!

I may not be anywhere near where I want to be. I am not yet be close to my long term goals. I have had set backs but I keep on going and one day I will get there!

This is my Journey ❤

 

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Re-United And It Feels So Good!

Reunited and it feels so good!

Taking a week off of Zumba was the worst decision EVER!

Due to unforseeable circumstances, both nights of our Zumba class got cancelled last week. I took full advantage of this, especially considering that my lady business had started and I was feeling like crap. So I lounged around (except for getting all of my steps the night of Halloween), I did little to no excersize…AKA I did NOTHING! I went to work and then came home and sat on my ass! lol

Getting back to it last night was so difficult. Even after just 1 week; I couldnt catch my breath, my muscles spasmed half way through class, and I was totally beat by the end. But man was I proud of myself.

Even though I felt like the class was harder (due to having the week before off and taking FULL advantage of it) I kicked ASS. I got through ENTIRE songs that I have never been able to get through before. I did moves, jumps, kicks that I am not ALWAYS able to do. I performed at a level that I never have before. I’m not sure WHY but damn did it feel good!

It doesn’t feel so great today but I kind of love that burn. It means I worked hard and I will have something to show for it.

Zumba is honestly my saving grace. What is yours?

Meal Prep Monday + My Journeying

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I was not blessed with a butt. I have never in my life been the girl with the ‘booty’, the ‘ba-donk-a-donk’, or the ‘junk in her trunk’. My sister and I both suffer from ‘pancake booty’ or in other words…a flat ass lol We blame our parents for our misfortune as neither of them have a booty either (I curse you GENES!!). Anyways, I tell you about my flat butted issues because after working out for the past few months and really giving my all to those squat thrusts and squat lifts and squat (whatever other kind of squat you can think of) during Zumba…I, OFFICIALLY, have a booty lol WOOHOO me lol this is a huge accomplishment and I am happy to share it with the world…or at least my small blogging family.

It hasn’t been all wondrous news though. I did a weigh in recently and..I have gained. I am now basically back to my pre-journey weight. WTF?! I know that this weight is muscle. I know this because I can see my body changing. Not just my new ass 😀 but my stomach is visibly (even to me) smaller, my hips and my thighs are tighter etc. Even though I know that this weight gain is a result of building muscle, which is a great thing, I still feel appalled. Appalled at myself for not losing anything. Appalled at my body for being so resistant to weight loss. Appalled at the fact that I have been on this journey for a year, and after all of the work that I put in, I am not any closer to the goals that I had in mind than I was before. Maybe I am a little closer (see: my booty) but not anywhere near where I expect to be at this stage in the game.

Even though I have had a rough go, I am not letting this stop me. Back to the doctors I go to see what the next plan of action is. What else I need to change. I know that I need to get in more muscle building workouts because honestly, I don’t do them at all right now. The only thing I do is Zumba for an hour 2-3 times a week. Since Zumba focuses on legs and cardio my next step is starting to add in 1 workout a week (for now) focused mainly on building muscle in my mid to upper body. This is the hardest part because I will be doing this at home. If you ask my Zumba instructor, I have NEVER missed a class, shown up late once or twice yes, but never missed..not even one. I have never been a class person but clearly the fact that I have other people expecting me to be there actually pushes me to go lol Doing a workout at home, by myself most likely, is what will be hard. But I can do it!! I need to do it!

Anyways, I meal prepped my ass off yesterday and have some great lunches and snacks to show for it this week. You know I always struggle with my dinners as I don’t cook them but my gym has this awesome program where you can purchase meals for $8. They are prepared fresh and you can have them customized to exactly what you want and need. EX) if you need to stay below a certain amount of calories per meal or if you have dietary restrictions you tell them that and they make the meals customized to you. It’s basically meal prepping but I don’t have to do any of the work lol So I purchased a few of those this week to try out. I plan on using them specifically for dinner so that maybe I can get a more balanced meal than I have been (You mean a bowl of Mac N’ Cheese isn’t a balanced meal?!?! :O). So here is my meal plan for the next week:

Breakfast: 240 calories, 45 carbohydrates

  • 1 packet of Quaker Oats Maple Oatmeal
  • 1 apple

Morning Snack: 100 calories 0 carbohydrates

  • ½ cup 1% cottage cheese
  • ½ cup sliced cucumber

Lunch: 340 calories, 40 carbohydrates

  • 1 baked tilapia filet
  • ½ cup uncle ben’s brown and wild rice
  • 1 cup steamed broccoli

Afternoon snack: 0 calories, 0 carbohydrates

  • Fresh veggies. If I really need something yummy I will add in some laughing cow cheese (this makes it 50 calories, 0 carb)

Dinner:

  •  I don’t know the exact details of these yet but under 450 calories and I requested 3 meals, 1 steak, 1 chicken, 1 salmon with veggies and a carb.

Other snacks: 100 calories each (I may not eat all of these in 1 day, I switch it up for whatever I am feeling or add in one of these if I need a sweet treat)

  • 1 Oikos Greek Yogurt-desert flavour (lemon meringue anyone?!)
  • 1 Chewy granola bar
  • Guacamole with a few Tostitos

My lunch was super yummy and I can’t wait to eat it again tomorrow…and the for the rest of the week :O lol

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My lunches before I put the rice in. If you put the tilapia over the veggies to re-heat it will add flavour and you will not have to add Salt.

Did you meal prep this week? What did you make? Do you count calories or do something else to help control or lose weight?

Meal Prep Monday-February 1st

Whats up peeps? Its been a while. Let me give you a little catch-me-up before I get down to business.

January has been CRAY CRAY! Getting my daughter back to school after Christmas holiday has been horrific (Read all about our ADHD Life here ). The plus side: the screaming and out-right refusal has stopped but the crying about not feeling well and not want to go to daycare or school continues. My grandma was in and out of hospital, which meant sleep overs on her couch while she was recovering. Work, work, and more work. We have started horseback riding at a new farm (my daughter not me lol) once a week. I am going to Zumba twice a week now instead of just once. I also started taking an online class from the local college to possibly get a NEW career. It’s one class but it takes up about 7-8 hours a week of my nightly routine. So to say that I have been busy, and STRESSED is an understatement.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to find time to, or even want to, work out. I can’t seem to get the motivation to do any exercise at home and I’m getting to the point that I don’t even want to go to ZUMBA! Say it isn’t so! My muscles don’t hurt anymore after my class, just my joints…constantly! Which I am sure has something to do with my arthritis and the weather this time of year. I have even quit going to the gym (for now). I don’t know if it’s just me being totally worn out or if it’s the season or a bit of both but I am hoping that I can my shit together really soon.

I have been sticking to the diet given to me by my dietician but I have GAINED 4 pounds in the last month. Maybe 4 pounds doesn’t sound like that much but when I think about how long it took me to lose those 4 pounds (almost a year) it is absolutely terrifying! I think this has also contributed to my non-motivational funk. I feel like I worked so hard to lose that weight and then POOF there is in, right back on.

I am frustrated and unnerved but I am TRYING not to let that get me down 100%. The one thing that I have not been slacking on is my tracking and my meal prep. I am switching up my meal plan AGAIN. Less carb, more veg and protein. More veg is the downfall. Its not that I don’t like veggies, its just that I would rather have fruit and fruit has more sugar. And picking better-for-me items to snack on when I am hungry in between meals.  I need to find the balance and I need to find it NOW!

My NEW meal plan for the following week includes the following:

Breakfast: 240 calories, 54 carbs, 5 grams of protein

  • Quaker Oats-Maple Oatmeal
  • 1 apple

Lunch: 340 calories, 30 carbs, 18 grams of protein

  • 2 home-made chicken wraps with garlic sauce and hummus (pictured below)
  • 1 cup cucumber slices

Snacks:

  • 1 Oikos Greek Yogurt (Raspberry Truffle to curb the sweet cravings after lunch)
  • Dehydrated zuchinni chips (home-made!)
  • 1 Quaker Granola Bar

Dinner: Under 500 calories

  • I now have a TON of veggies on hand that I can pop in the microwave or oven when I get home to go with whatever my wonderful mother has cooked us for dinner. Brussel sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli, zucchini etc.
    • I am doing this to include MORE veggies and to make sure that I fill up  more on veggies and less on carbs.

The last change that I made to this week’s meal plan was to incorporate MORE water. I drink plenty of water but had definately been slipping up on this aspect for the past month or so. So I am re-committing myself to drinking more water. My beautiful tumbler that I got for Christmas is sitting on my desk right now, filled to the brim! (Also shown in the pictures below)

These are the pics of my very YUMMY Chicken Wraps with Garlic Sauce and Hummus. If your interested they are super easy to make: 2 small tortillas, 1/2 tsp lebanese garlic spread, 1 tsp hummus, 1/4 cup grilled skinless boneless chicken breast, cucumber slices and romaine lettuce. All under 400 calories.

What are you meal prepping this week? What does your meal plan look like on any given day or week?

 

What A Week

67787Last week was rough! So rough in fact that I ended up taking the week off from the gym. I still ate the way I normally eat, but there were no workouts at all.

It started Monday when I fell and hurt myself. Not wanting to make my injury worse, I skipped Zumba for the first time since I started. I actually really missed it and CANNOT wait to go back tonight. But this started the ball rolling I feel.

The rest of the week was just an emotional mess; from a family pet being put down, to work sucking, to Christmas Concerts, to outragously high blood sugars (damn you diabetes). My nights were filled with tears, reminiscing, happiness, sadness, and cuddles on the couch. I really didnt care about hitting the gym or going for a walk or anything else. It was just a week that needed to be spent with family and not a week spent trying to fit workouts in around everything else that was going on.

Do I feel bad about missing an entire week of workouts? I guess I do a little bit. mainly because I don’t want to reverse the hard work that I have put in. But honestly, it does not bother me all that much. I am happy that I took the time to spend with family and friends. I am happy that I have those memories and that my daughter will look back and remember that mommy was there. Not just physically there, but 100% mentally there as well.

Today, I am looking forward to getting back to Zumba and shaking my ass like we normally do on a Monday night lol Who knows what the rest of this week will bring?

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Pushing Through

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Sweaty selfie after Zumba class 😀

This past week has been full of motivation and pushing through.

If you read my recipe post then you know that my weight is down another 2 pounds, which is crazy in the 2 weeks that I’ve been giving it my all. Then I made the mistake of weighing myself again last night.  I gained back those 2 pounds plus 1. I don’t know why I felt the need to get on the scale. What is our obsession? I know that the 3 pound weight gain is incorrect. I had JUST eaten, I had just finished Zumba an hour before and I am about to start my period (sorry for the over share). This is not the day that I usually weigh myself and I vow not to weigh myself mid-week ever again lol

Getting back on topic though. Zumba is still going great, I am still loving every sweaty second of it! It blows my mind to see how many steps you take and how many calories you actually burn in that hour. It literally accounts for over half my steps on that day and it seems to go by so quickly.

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sweaty selfie at the gym

The gym is going well, but I am still finding it really difficult to get there. Not even to physically get there (I live 2 minutes away), but to mentally prepare myself to work out in the way that you work out at a gym. I find myself standing there, staring at all the machines not knowing which ones to do in what order. I also find that when I go to the gym by myself, I DO NOT push hard enough. Example: I went to the gym with my sister and we killed it. I felt that wonderfully awful pain in my muscles for days- that only a good workout can give you. The next week, I went to the gym by myself and thought I killed it! But during the next few days I waited for that delicious muscle pain and felt NOTHING. Clearly I did not push myself hard enough, even though during my workout I felt like I did.

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sweaty selfie AFTER the gym when I’ve fallen onto the couch and cant get up

On a better note, I did have a personal triumph at the gym (by myself) this week that I was really excited about 🙂 It was Sunday and I really did not want to be at the gym. I could not mentally wrap my head around a workout so, with a great pep talk from my friend, I decided that it was a cardio night. After spending 25 minutes on the bike and getting my stretches in, I decided to spend the rest of my time on the treadmill. 5 minutes in and I was ready to go home but I kept telling myself “1 more minute” or “after this song is done” or “finish this lap”. After 15 minutes I still did not want to be at the gym BUT I did feel like the walking wasnt enough so…I jogged. If you know me, or have read my blog, then you know that I am not necessarily supposed to jog because of the arthritis in my feet. But I felt really good and I felt like I could. I jogged for 3 minutes straight. Maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot of time to most people but for me, someone who hasn’t even attempted jogging in over 2 years, its huge. It felt amazing and although I could feel my feet hurting it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. I didn’t push myself over the edge because I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk the next day if I did but I’m proud of myself.

So clearly some days I need to really push myself. Wether its to lift more weights, do more squats or just to keep going on my own. I made it a total of 20 minutes on the treadmill Sunday night, 3 of those jogging, before calling it a night. I pushed through that mental road block and am so glad that I didn’t leave after only 5, 10, or 15 minutes. Accomplishments, whether they are big or small, and progress in the right direction should always be celebrated.

Headed In The Right Direction

This past week has been amazing in terms of motivation and actual workouts. My meal planning was not as spot on as it was last week, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t prep at all. I’m waiting for SOMEONE to make cabbage soup with my weekend leftovers soo…I prepped for 2 days instead of the whole week lol

My meal plan for this week includes:

Breakfast 310 calories, 42 carbs – toast with cottage cheese and mini-medley tomatoes

Lunch415 calories, 60 carbs – brown rice, glazed carrots, and my turkey and spinach meat balls OR cabbage soup (once its made and IF there are left overs)

Snacks 90 calories, 4 carbs – mini cucumbers and humus

Monday, as always, was Zumba night. I wasnt feeling great, but I participated. It was a half-assed participation but I made it through the entire hour so I call that a success haha.

My sister and I had talked about wanting to go back to the gym. We also agreed how difficult it was to go to the gym without some kind of partner to encourage us. I need that in my life. I can almost guarantee that I will not go to the gym unless I am going with someone.

So guess what I did on Wednesday AND Thursday?! I went to the GYM :O. It was awful and wonderful all at the same time.

Wednesday was leg day and cardio. I choose the bike almost every time, mostly because of the arthritis in my feet. My legs hurt the next day and by day 2 I couldn’t walk to save my life! But honestly, I welcomed the pain. Yes I bitched about it to anyone who would listen, but I loved every second of it. It meant that I was building muscle and what does muscle do? Muscle helps burn fat 🙂

Thursday I actually pushed my sister to go back to the gym. I was definitely feeling the motivation to get moving. We decided to do arms and abs and then I went for a walk on the treadmill to try and stretch out my sore legs. I would not recommend this as I wanted to keel over the next day lol I should have just done some really good stretches through my thighs instead.

I find the gym or going for a really good walk (it would be run if I was allowed to run) really clears your head. For me this is huge. I over think everything. I re-play conversations or interactions with people over and over again in my head until I am crazily analyzing everything that happened that day or the day before. So I need the gym, the physical exertion, to clear my mind. To think only of what move to do next, what muscle group to work, to push harder…that was bliss to me this week.

I have Zumba again tonight and plan on heading back to the gym at least 2 nights this week. I can’t believe I am saying this but…I am STOKED haha

“Weight loss is like driving: If you ever veer off the the road, just make a U-turn and head back in the right direction.”

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Me and the SEESTER showing off our lack of guns (or at least my lack of guns) at the gym lol

Small Achievements and ZUMBA-Week 3

Monday night was my third Zumba class and Ive got to say, Im really loving it. I feel like I am starting to get SOME of the moves down pat (Im not sure if it actually looks like it or not, but in my head Im a sexy Zumba dancer haha). Zumba makes you feel sexy…or at least it makes ME feel sexy, dancing and moving to the rythm.

8ba80149f3c8b6f4fc5777d004d68138What doesnt make me feel sexy while doing Zumba? The amount of sweat that pours off of my body (and everyone else’s). Its disgusting! BUT, the way that I like to look at it is…When I Sweat its just my fat crying…that helps me a little lol

The amount of steps that you do during Zumba is insane. Different studies suggest that you should hit 10,000 steps every day to live a healthy life. Having a sedintary job like I do, it is nearly impossible to get 10,000 steps in 1 day. I will hit 5,000 steps on a good day during the week. That is with going for a walk at night or getting a little excersize in mid day, but 10,000 steps? There is no fricken way lol

But I Finally did it! I reached that 10,000 step goal and I actually did it TWICE this week! Amazing!

The first time was apple picking on Saturday with my daughter. We did a 3 acre corn maze and picked a few bags of apples at an orchard near by our house. The second time was monday night with my Zumba class. I wasnt quite at the goal of 10,000 steps (I had about 500 left) before I went to bed, so I made sure to dance around until I hit it. My screen even lit up with fireworks! I thought it was pretty cool.

Achieving those small goals are what get me through my day, or week, or month. You need those small accomplishments to help build up to the larger goals that take so much longer to accomplish.

This is the fitbit view of my day on Monday (although my floors climbed count is incorrect. It is literally impossible for me to go the whole day without climbing at least 8 sets of stairs)

Oct 5th

This is impact that my Zumba workout had on my day (that is HALF of the steps that I took the entire day, all in 1 hour)

Oct 5th inpact

This is my cute badge that I earned (and shared on Facebook) for hitting 10,000 steps in 1 day! YAY ME!

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Zumba-Week 2

wpid-20150928_193714.jpgLast week I paid upfront for all of the Zumba classes in the session, which ensures that I will make it to ALL of the classes. Thats 11 weeks of shaking my ass and watching my jiggly bits jiggle. Thank God there are no mirrors in the room 😀 haha.

It was a great class, but on a T25 scale of Nailed It, or Barely Made It….It was the latter. I felt as though I was tripping over my feet, couldnt nail the moves, and was barely breathing by the end. I huffed and puffed through the entire class. I almost fell on my neighbour because I tripped on my pant leg. I had to stop before the very last song because my foot was so cramped up I couldnt walk on it.

By the end of the class I was drenched from head to toe but I felt amazing. Through all of the trip ups and mistakes (so many mistakes hehe) I was still so glad that I went and made it through the class. I felt energized and happy after that amazing workout and after being surrounded by other beautiful woman like myself who made the same mistakes and missteps that I did. All in all it was a great class and I cannot wait to go back next week.

This is just a snap shot of the impact that my Zumba workout had on my day via my FitBit:day impact 28th

And this is to show you that I (pretty much) reached my goal of 10,000 steps in 1 day which NEVER happens via my FitBit:Sept 28th

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Zumba! With A Hint of Anxiety.

I started in a Zumba class this week. Its taken a lot for me to feel comfortable participating in any kind of excersize class. I dont want people to see me and all of my jiggly bits, jumping, bouncing OR shaking (and trust me we shook ALOT).  Honestly, I was not comfortable at first BUT I pushed through that social anxiety and went…by myself.

Going by myself is huge. I have always suffered from social anxiety and to think about just a few years ago when I could not go anywhere by myself. I always had to have someone come with me almost everywhere or I would make up excuses as to why I couldnt go or do something. Whether I was with a group of friends or not I would have all of these thoughts running through my head about how others perceived me, judged me. I wasnt pretty enough, or thin enough, I was way to fat, or at least fatter than ALL of my friends, I wouldnt know what to say or be able to come up with any witty comebacks etc.

…to now…going to a fricken zumba class by myself? Im pretty impressed with me right now 😀

Im not saying that I did not have any of those thoughts. At times I thought, omg everyone just saw me trip on my own foot, or I eww Im disgusting by how much Im sweating. But guess what I saw when I looked around? I saw other people tripping…and sweating..and still having fun! So guess what I did? I let myself have some damn fun too!

It was a great class! And yes, everyone was DRENCHED by the middle. And I actually did not feel as judged as I thought I would. I liked it so much that I signed up for the rest of the 10 classes in advance. :O I know, I cant believe it either haha.

So go get out there and let yourself have some fun and get some excersize while your at it!

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After Zumba